Monday, December 27, 2010

Glimpse

It has happened a few times, mostly with the boys. I will get a glimpse of what they will be like as grown-ups. It happens in a flash but it always manages to take my breath away. It is more than the way they will look but it is a flash of who they will be when they are older.

I cant really explain how it happens, or why. But I've noticed that it does indeed happen more frequently with my boys than with Madeline. It happened yesterday at the pool with Jack.

We were wading in the water and he looked at me with a very knowing look on his face, and he paused and met my eye for more than a moment. I could see him as a grown-up, perhaps my age. The wisdom, confidence and intelligence that I saw in that glimpse was so assuring. It is very difficult to explain.

The same thing has happened several times with Noah as well. He will just pause and look at me for more than a moment and there is some sort of exchange. I can see him strong, sure and proud, but as an adult.

This glimpse has yet to happen with Madeline. I know that they boys are old souls. They both are wise and know things that they shouldn't know at this age. I've known this about both of them since they were in utero. I know that Maddie is a newer soul. She doesn't come with this deep wisdom and understanding, she does come with an incredible sense of wonder, amazement, curiosity and a fresh set of eyes to the experience around her.

Perhaps I cannot get the glimpses of her because she is already a reflection of me, maybe more of a reflection of me than the boys are. If this is the case then I need to take a lesson from her and stay with her in her moment of curiosity. That is if I dont get distracted by the wise glances from the boys.

Monday, December 20, 2010

Princess Bryan Superhero, Jack-a-lin

I feel that the last few blog have been about costumes. I think that there is a heavy costume phase going through our house at the moment. I cant say that I am at all sad. I've said it before that I will take any excuse to wear a costume. Last night was no exception. I work the afternoons on Sunday (during nap time, which pains me). Once I arrived home Jack and Maddie came downstairs from the playroom, Princess Bryan Superhero was dressed per usual...purple princess dress. She received some early Christmas presents over the weekend from her Auntie and Uncle and she has added a tutu over the dress, and shoes. She received four pair of plastic, pink sparkly dress-up shoes. They have already gotten miles on them.

I need to take a break and tell you that Madeline has a long history with shoes. She comes by this obsession honestly. I am as well in love with shoes and have more pairs than I care to admit. When I was pregnant with her I didn't officially know that she was a girl. But I think my heart knew. I resisted buying her anything girly before she was born, just in case. On the day that I went into labor with her I had the brilliant idea of going to the Mall of America to walk laps. Luckily a girlfriend of mine came along and worked very hard to distract me through the contractions. I remember going into one of the "kiddie boutique" places and finding the most adorable dress and shoes to match. I made Madeline a promise that if she was so kind as to be born...just born....that I would reward her with a pair of shoes. I kept my promise and have actually gone a bit overboard with her in the shoe department. But I do not care, a girl is entitled to shoes and lots of them. They make us happy.

So when she got fancy dress-up shoes for Christmas she was overjoyed. Little did I know she wasn't the only one.

When I came home after work on Sunday they came home and Maddie was dressed as expected, but Jack was also dressed up as well. He donned a tutu, purse and a pair of Madelines new shoes. He also informed me that his name was now "Jack-a-lin". He stayed in character for just a little while after I got home. John told me about the conversation that happened between Jack and Maddie that lead up to the transformation to Jack-a-lin.

Apparently Jack didn't want to go up to the playroom alone and repeatedly asked Maddie if she would come up and play, "trains...puzzles...action guys...fishing...house....school..." Maddie declined all the offers Jack could think of. Until he mentioned "dress-up". She instantly accepted his offer and from the sounds of it were playing together for awhile.

What touches my heart the most about this story, isn't the fact that my children will dress-up however they please, but more that they are becoming more aware of one another and taking eachothers feelings into account. For Jack to compromise and think about what Maddie might like to play to have a playmate was one of the best gifts for me to hear about. Almost as good as a new pair of shoes.

Monday, December 13, 2010

She did it.

Madeline cut her damn hair.

I knew that really it was only a matter of time before this would happen. I think that most kids feel the need at one point or another to indulge in a self-haircut. Today was Maddies day.

It seems to me that the days that both John and I are home, VERY little gets done. You would think that these are the days that we are ultra efficient and get lots done, essentially divide and conquor. NOT THE CASE. He throws my routine into a tailspin and the kids get out of their routine. Plus...on the days that he and I are both home we can head back to bed for an extra 15...20...45 minutes. Which probably was the first mistake we made. He slept in until, get this, 8:15am. Then I asked for just a quick 15 minutes to close my eyes. He graciously let this turn into 45 minutes, and when I woke at 9:15 I felt that I was way behind on the things that I like to get done on the weekdays. I have allowed us to fall into a routine, which is helped along with Jacks new school schedule. And I will admit, that it is sort of great. I get things knocked off my to-do list, and have worked in ways to get 1:1 time in with each of the kids.

Today was a no-go. It was a snow day for Jack, and usually the quiet that overtakes the house with him at school was not there. John and I each got some extra shut-eye and once things got moving this morning at the 9:30 (had to make coffee) range, I needed to get moving. Laundry, dishes, pick-up the living room, put lights on the tree, make breakfast, lunch and get dinner in the crockpot, change laundry, check facebook (mandatory), etc.

Madeline has gotten into the habit of helping with laundry, specifically pushing the start buttons. I gave her the chance to come to the basement and help me out, and she opted to stay upstairs in the kitchen. John was busy hanging up lights on the tree.

Then I heard it, John yelled to me "Someone is going to need a haircut". This was just non-specific enough to allow my brain to make up a million scenarios in the time it took me to get upstairs. Gum, peanut butter....oh, shit. She cut her hair. John had her waiting for me at the top of the stairs and all I could muster was "get her away". I was laughing so hard, and seriously she looked so damn cute. But I did NOT want her to know this. After I collected myself I was able to look at her and repair the damange.

Kids always seem to cut their bangs, which she did, but she didn't go all the way to the scalp. She actually ended up with some super cute severe/dramatic bangs, that look kindof artsy.

The life with three kids, and two parents. I guess at least one is always left unsupervised, but lets hope this doesn't happen again.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Costumes

I believe that most anything...and I truly mean anything, can be made better by adding a costume. It doesn't always have to be a full on sequins and sparkle costume, but the right outfit can make you feel great and help you to stand out or blend in. I always felt like any formal dance I went to was an opportunity for a new costume, working at summer camp costumes enhanced MANY a campfire and special event weekend, etc. Wearing something special sometimes can make you feel special, help to capture and show off what is going on inside.

Madeline and Jack have the ability and passion to costume, and I'm pretty sure Noah isn't going to get away with just jeans and t-shirt.

From the moment he was able to dress and undress himself Jack liked to change clothes to fit his activity. He has approximately 1 million t-shirts and there is a t-shirt to fit any mood he has. He always has to find the right shirt to the activity or person he is with (often he will change to match what John is wearing), which is really very endearing. I think that this is somewhat normal kid behavior. Jack also went through a phase where he would only wear his Thomas the Tank swim trunks and Thomas the Tank swim shirt. EVERY DAY. This was in the middle of summer and he was playing outside most of the day and that shirt and pair of shorts were FILTHY every day. I remember debating so many times (as I was hand-washing these two things each night in the sink) in my head if this was crazy and I was supporting craziness by cleaning the outfit for him, or if it was normal kid stuff and I should encourage him to wear other things. It always comes back to being very selective on the battles I choose to engage in. Clothes are not one of the battles I'm picking, besides it was really very sweet that he loved Thomas so much he needed to wear him daily, and he was learning to make his own choices.

Madeline Maye has started her costume phase. It started with a pink frilly dress that I found for her to wear to a wedding this summer and it has grown from there. She has a pink and now a purple frilly dress to wear. She asks immediately in the morning if she can put on her purple dress. Her requirements for a dress (I asked her the other day) are that "it twirls". She is willing to show most anyone the amazing twirl of her dress at any time, so feel free to ask away. This purple dress gets so dirty, but luckily for us she is agreeable to putting it into the wash machine every few days. I believe that Santa has planned to bring her two new princess-type dresses, and I fear that they will remain on their hangers as this current purple dress has some sort of magic powers. Maddie has also been experimenting not only with costumes, but new names as well. Generally these days she prefers to be called "Bryan". However once the dress is on she becomes "Princess Bryan" or "Bryan Superhero". And like clock-work if and when she takes the dress off her name changes to "Bryan" or even....Maddie.

I am confident that Noah will have to follow suit (pun not intended) and develop a costuming habit. I cant say that it bothers me in the least, I am always looking for any excuse to pull out my old prom dresses or Tye dye t-shirts and you can be certain that whatever he decides to wear he will have a brother and sister, make that a Thomas the Train and Princess by his side.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Little Bugg

I think it is about time to talk about Noah. "Third babies", I catch myself saying that fairly frequently. He really is an easy going child. Even as I was growing him in utero I sent him messages and talked with him about how he really had no choice, but to fit in and jump into our routine. I remember telling him in the hospital that he was going to have to speak up if and when he needed something. And that he did, and does.

What a lot of people don't know is that Noah had to spend extra time in the hospital after he was born. He started to run a high temperature and they were not able to figure out why. Poor little guy had IV's and blood draws, x-rays and even a spinal tap before he was three days old. The temperature resolved and we were able to take him home. Even though he stayed put in the special care nursery at the hosptial, it gave he and I a lot of time to bond together. I had the opportunity to talk with him and tell him how things were. While this was scary for me, I just knew that he was going to be okay and somehow I felt it too. He looked quite like an old man with a big giant nose when he was born, but he also seemed to have the wisdom of one as well.

I knew from the start that Noah was attached to me differently than the other two were. I believe that they all love their mama (and daddy too), but somehow this was just a little different. To this day, he knows when I get home from work in the evenings (he wakes up demanding food) and seems to prefer if he has an eye-ball on me. I always wanted my kids to be able to separate from me and trust that I would return. The older two aways were able to do this, I think having them in day-care helped to develop this. But since Noah isn't in day-care I was a little worried that with his strong attachment to me and having me around all the time would lead to neediness, and dependence on me. Not Noah.

I am able to volunteer at an ECFE class on thursday nights and actually stay in his classroom with him during the class. I tried to ignore him as best I could and play with other kids. It was so interesting to watch him watch me playing with other children. At first he needed to be around me and with me at all times and cried when we separated. However now, with a little help from the BRILLIANT ecfe teacher, he is content to play and scan the room every now and again to check-up on me.

Noah has learned to fend for himself, and this is great, because sometimes I just cant get to him right away. I remember the day that we all woke-up super early and I was trying to make coffee, get the big kids fed, probably get a load of laundry in, etc. I finally realized that I hadn't even changed poor Noahs over-night diaper and began to look for him. He was content, and I knew he had been played with by big brother and big sister as they had colored on him with marker. He had also found his own breakfast of something (edible) that was discarded under the couch. I still dont know really how I should feel about this, but truly I wasn't bothered. He did exactly what I asked him to do, jump in and join our crazy train.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Pretty as a picture

I want to take a blog moment and reflect on just why I do this, blogging. I have gotten a few very kind and meaningful compliments from folks who have read my entries. It was SO reassuring and motivating for me to continue to write my experiences with my children. Initially I started keeping a blog when Jack was born to document his life, however only kept up with it for 6 months or so. Once Noah was born I stumbled on it again and realized I had no idea who the hell was writing that stuff. It all seemed so trite and perfect and cutesy and cookie-cutter, and I'm none of those things. I began to read docce.com and fell in love with her brutal honesty and take on being a parent, and decided to give it another go.

I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.

It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.

Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.

I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Alone Time

Alone time may seem a thing of the past, that is alone time for Me. Forget about alone time with John... a date, whats that?!?!

Each time we have added another child to the mix it seems as if the alone time (aka individual attention) for each one gets to be less and less. This too is an important thing to me too to offer individual undivided attention to each child. This is hard to do. I mean it is really hard to do. So I have had to get creative with finding time for each one. I try to take someone with me on even the smallest errand, and simply titling it a "date with mom" seems to make it more special. I have also tried to create small simple routines that allow for the 1:1 time as well.

Jack I really have not had to worry about. He got to have more 1:1 time than probably Madeline and Noah combined!! He needs it too. He is the one who still sneaks into my bed before the sun rises almost every morning. He has learned very quickly that he can crawl in on my side and he wont wake up (and then get kicked out by) dad. This is great cuddle time, and we often share secret whispers as we begin to wake up. I also get a little alone time with him each morning when I walk him to the bus stop. This is a nice time together, we talk about his day or I teach him Camp St. Croix songs or not to step on cracks in the sidewalk.

Madeline gets stuck in the middle. She really only got 3 months of true alone time with me last year when Jack was in pre-school and before we had Noah. So I tried to take advantage of that and give her 1:1 trips to the Children's Museum, Zoo, shopping, etc. Finding time alone with her has proven to be the biggest challenge. Until now. Jack is in school in the mornings, and Noah still takes a morning nap. So after the boys are gone or sleeping we have "girl time". Most mornings she starts to pick out what she wants to do during "girl time" immediately. She is patient in waiting to do the special things (like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O, or play-doh, or helping to do dishes, cook or the laundry). We have about an hour or so each morning that is just for us. The testosterone clears the air and we can sit quietly and interact with one another (without wrestling...weird) and enjoy one another.

Noah Bug. Poor third babies. Good thing I nurse my kids, otherwise he may never get alone time with me. He is still waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and I think that he knows that is an opportunity for 1:1 time, and I'm not fighting it at all. He gets the occasional trip to the grocery store or gas station. But really, he gets schlepped into whatever the group as a whole is doing.

Until about a month ago.

I discovered early this summer that Ikea will give me a free one hour break from the kids. I resisted this convenience at first because I have a serious serious issue with any potential "dumping" of my kids anywhere. I'm working on this (not really). But we were there and Jack wanted to go in and ended up having a great time, as did I. The four of us were there about a month ago and Madeline requested to go in too. She had potty trained since we had been there last and was more than tall enough. Without reservation I signed she and Jack up to go and play and took off....alone with Noah!!!

We had the greatest hour. Looking at all the lights, puppies and dishes. I probably kissed him more times than was appropriate and I talked and talked and talked to him. I'm sure all of the other shoppers thought I was a lunatic, but I don't really care. I had found time with my Noah Bug. THANKS IKEA!!!!!

I cannot say that we have made trips every week to do this, but I think it is nice to have this little option in my back pocket. Plus who couldn't use a trip to Ikea at almost any moment, especially if it is with the cutest little Bug you've ever seen.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Matchy Matchy

I've caught glimpses of Maddie and Jack playing well together, getting along, caring for one another, taking turns, being kind and nice to one another. Thank goodness that this is starting to happen more and more frequently. I went into being a parent of more than one child with a clear understanding that I wanted my children to be close. This is very important to me. I've talked in the past about how we choose our space of our home (small) to basically be in each others personal space. How we choose the spacing of our kids (close) with the hopes that they would be "in to" the same stuff and become playmates and develop a close relationship.

In the last week Madeline and Jack have demonstrated that this is happening. They have started to develop their own games with rules, characters and props. They play "Koo Koo Kangaroo", trains, school or house together. They have started to put on shows and role play games. It is funny to see how concrete their thinking is in regard to roles. Maddie is always the girl role (mom, sister or grandma) and Jack is always the male (dad, brother, grandpa). The male is tough and does "manly" things. Maddie is often caring for her Baby Sue or cooking "Sheppard's Pie" out of sand and dirt. They have places to play that are away from me, so this can be exciting for them and allows them to regulate their own interaction with out mom-moderation. Madeline will follow Jack anywhere..which may or may not be a good thing. This very morning, I came up from the basement to find the backdoor open, as was the garage and the garage door. Jack had gone to retrieve a Frisbee in the neighbors yard and Madeline was doe-eyed excitedly following her big brother outside of their normal boundaries.

I've been patiently waiting for their positive interactions to happen. Watching them interact warms me from the inside out. However fleeting these moments are, they are hopefully the building blocks for a strong sibling relationship that will be supportive and deep.

So they have developed games, roles and routines with one another. I noticed them playing Hi-Ho Cherry-O together the other day, they set-up the game, took turns and cheered each other on before Jack decided that the game was over. Maddie fully supported her brother in this. But there was a moment that they were both sitting on the floor together looking at the game board leaning in to focus and their heads touched. It was a gentle bump of "nuggets" but was potential for an argument. But they just stayed engaged in the game and sort of leaned on each other for a minute during the game. It dissolved all of the "Mom, he is looking at me" claims, ever.

But what is really funny is that they have begun to coordinate their outfits. Madeline's dress phase is still going strong and in the morning when she put on a fancy princess dress Jack went into his room and changed into his "wedding clothes" as he calls it. He wore a suit (including a tie) all day long. They played "Prince and Princess" together all day. The next day they both decided that they wanted to wear Vikings Jerseys and jeans.

I think that this matching is an outward sign of something that is going on deeper inside of both of them. I think it is a clear signal of the bond that they are developing with one another. I hope that they continue to grow together and always find it appropriate to together wear their Prince and Princess outfits, Vikings jerseys or Koo Koo t-shirts.

Eventually we will just have to buy three of everything so Noah can be a part of the fun as well!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Dress-up

Madeline has hit her dress phase. I knew it would come, and here it is. I anticipated this day, but haven't prepared for it. So we are stuck with 3 super duper dressy dresses (like flower girl dresses) that are in the rotation. I have never gone through a dress phase. I do not like them, I don't have many and plan to keep it that way. I do like to play dress-up, and get dolled up for occasions, and put on costumes for Halloween, but wearing a dress on a regular basis is pretty much out. I avoided dressing Maddie in dresses as a baby or a toddler mostly because they are just logistically lame. They get in the way, get pulled up, don't allow for good movement, etc. I do believe that most girls (and probably a good percentage of boys) go through a dress-phase.

Now, I am in the mind set of picking my battles. Generally if there is no bodily or emotional harm that will come, I choose to let my kids explore and experiment. I could care less that Madeline, after 2 seconds of looking choose to buy boys underwear because it had Elmo on it. Im glad that she can make a decision and stick with it. The superficial stuff just doesn't matter to me, its the life lessons that I try to keep in mind.

Back to the dresses. One of the best parts about this is that I don't care about how long they last or if they are kept clean, so she is free to play, run, jump, get dirty, eat, spill, etc. I think that is my biggest deal with dresses is that they force a certain kind of behavior, "lady-like" behavior. Anyone who really knows me knows that I can act like a lady, but don't want to. More than that I hate feeling constricted and held-back, and I just don't want that for my Madeline Maye. I never want her to feel limited or edited or stoppable.

On the other hand. I want her to be able to recognize that there are times for everything and places for everything. Sometimes you have to behave a certain way, and you have to be able to read others with both objectivity and subjectivity. I also want her to feel beautiful. I tell her every night before I leave her bed room that she is smart, kind, a good listener, wonderful and then I end the series of loving words saying "Madeline Maye...YOU...ARE...BEAUTIFUL".

So she might, for now, feel beautiful wearing her princess dresses and sparkly shoes. Someday it might be wearing her prom dress or wedding dress. I want to lay the foundation now for her to feel beautiful on the inside weather she is dressing up, down or in between.

Monday, September 27, 2010

Pokey Maddie Maye

Madeline is slow. The reasons are varied, and I'm trying to figure it out. But when push comes to shove, Madeline Maye is our Pokey Puppy.

Maddie probably isn't really slow. It is just that I have been broken in as a mother by Wild-Jack-ATTACK. And he is nothing but fast. He is so independent and just knows things, that I've gotten lazy about cuing him to do a lot of things. This is a good thing for me. However it hasn't been a good thing for Maddie. She needs a little more attention and a few more reminders and prompts to do things, and a substantial amount of time to do them in.

This may be TMI, but it really is the best way to describe how she is.

Madeline has recently decided to forgo diapers and use underwear instead. This is GREAT. John and I as parents have felt that kids will make this transition when ready and if pushed too early or too much they will delay the transition even longer. So we waited. And we waited. She gave signs, would try for a day or two and then refuse. We didn't push. But then the real thing came. She was READY, the stars were aligned and she did, in fact, need a little pushing. Pushing might be too strong, encouragement rather, to continue making the transition to underwear. "No pee-pee on Hello Kitty" was our phrase of the day, for several days. I still cannot even read that sentence with out laughing out loud. She did great. And there was a bonus: she stayed dry at night, right off the bat (as a measuring stick, Jack just started staying dry at night several months ago). So this was great. Now comes in the slow part.

Madeline likes privacy. A word that she knows from when others need bathroom privacy. She likes to ask for your help to get ready to go and then quickly demands her privacy and points you to the living room to wait her next command. This next command doesn't come, ever. Now there are times when privacy and taking your time in the bathroom is a-okay with me. AT HOME.

This doesn't work well when you have a 2-year old in a stall with you and a 9-month old, and you are trying to go quickly before the 9-month old crawls out of the stall, because that is hilarious. All the while trying to keep an ear on the 4-year old who must go alone in his own stall and tends to make friends with whomever he comes across. Then the 2-year old starts playing with the door lock, you wrap it up and grab the 9-month old who is 3/4 out of the stall (crawling on the super-clean bathroom floor). Once the 2-year old is safely on the pot she tries to demand her privacy and begin the restful lengthy time of rest on the pot. NOPE. As much as I hate it, I've had to give her count downs on the potty. This is a tried and true technique that parents use to help the transition from anything to anything (playing to eating, playing to bedtime, playing to bath, etc.) I never in a million years dreamed that I would be giving my daughter count-downs on transitions from toilet time to not-toilet time.

The mother-psychologist in me feels that this may come down to control. A part of it may be figuring out limits, her body and attention. All of this I know is true. But could it be possible, that in the chaos of our life with one another that she has found a slice of time that is all to herself. A place that she can be quiet and left alone? If this is indeed the case then I might take a lesson from my Pokey Maddie Maye and demand my own privacy once in awhile.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Sweetie Girl.

I've got a running list of things to talk about here. I thought I'd open with the difference in speed at which we are getting to know Noah, then I thought about talking about the pace at which Maddie operates. I'm not sure if this is ironic, or what...Jack trumps them both. I guess the oldest is used to making the most noise and being the center. So here goes (with the promise to share the Noah and Maddie story soon...maybe that is a story in and of itself).

Jacks first week of school ended with a shit-eating-grin. He got off of the bus on Friday afternoon and was beaming. He announced to me that he had sat with his "Sweetie Girl". He was going to marry her and that he loved his "Sweetie Girl".

As we progressed through the afternoon, he repeatedly told me that "I kind of love you, mom. I love Noah....but I REALLY LOVE MY SWEETIE GIRL". Now, keep in mind that he has no idea what Sweetie Girls real name is, just that he totally loves her.

Jack is a very affectionate boy. He loves to hug and kiss. When he and I went through how to ride the school bus, we pretended the front porch steps were the bus and I was the driver. We practiced waiting at the corner until the doors are open, greeting the driver, sitting still, etc. We did this several times and each time he got to "school" to get off of the bus he gave the bus driver a hug. He didn't do it because it was me, he did it because he is Jack. There must be something in Jack's genetic make-up that predisposes him to hugging. He does it a lot, and pleasantly surprises most people by his full on "you-are-awesome" hugs. It is quite cute. John is a hugger, he would rather hug than shake hands. I've been tempted to buy him a "FREE HUGS" t-shirt, on many occasions. So Jack comes by the hugs honestly.

Now that Jack is in more formal settings he has to become more aware of when and with whom hugs are best. (Picture: running up to and hugging the t-ball player on the opposite team once they reach home). I wish he could hug everyone he wished to, but I want him to learn to respect others space and right to say yes or no.

He is having a hard time with the ones that say "no".

This very morning I was waiting outside for Jack to come home. Once the bus pulled up to our house it took him a little longer than usual to get off of the bus. He walked down the stairs with his head down. I could feel the sadness across the 15 feet. Once he hit that bottom step he erupted into tears and ran into my arms. He squeezed me hard and cried even harder. "My Sweetie Girl didn't want to sit with me today on the bus". Ohhhh, my little boy!!! His poor little hugging heart was broken, and my mothers' heart was as well. He knew that she had sat with another girl on the bus (whose name he did in fact know). I tried to explain to him that maybe they wanted to sit together and didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I helped him to understand that he could sit with different people each day. I asked who he had sat with. This made it worse "No one, I sat all by myself". Ouch! Living in our small house, Jack has gotten used to having someone around for most everything and likes it. So sitting alone was terrible in his mind. He sobbed and sobbed. There were no good words at that time.

I had to do it. (Truth be told it was already part of the plan, but he doesn't have to know that). I just had to pull out the card that I knew would make this all better. McDonald's. Yes. McDonald's cured his broken heart today. A big long giant hug and McDonald's how could he say "no" to that?

Monday, September 13, 2010

Lifes A Beach....

I keep a running list of things I want to talk about in my blog. Seeing as how I've gotten out of the habit of blogging on a regular basis, and will be trying diligently to catch-up. There will be some that are a little out of date. Reflecting on Jacks first day of school today I began thinking about how this was his last summer with very little structure. He doesn't even realize the freedom he had, and at this point the structure is a VERY good thing for him. But that got me thinking of the summer we had.

As my work schedule is set-up now, I work very little. 28 hours per week in fact. Most of that work time is at odd hours. I've counted every lucky star, and thanked every spirit guide that has allowed me this goofy and messy work schedule. It allows me to have abundant time with my children. I feel incredibly blessed to have this gift. My hat tips to the full-time working mothers. I have to get my kids up, dressed and someplace outside of our home at inappropriately early hours, only occasionally…and that is TOUGH. My hat also tips to the full-time at-home working mothers. There are days I'm watching out the window for John to get home so I can catch a break and go to work. Bless every mother, we are all full time something-or-others and it is not easy for any of us. In my case, my Libra dances every day that I get to balance my life with kids and work.

But back to this summer. Summers for some reason trick me into thinking I'm a stay at home mom. Maybe it is because we can get out of the house early (which I prefer) and spend a long leisurely time at whatever destination we have chosen for that day. Side Note: I'm a much better mother out of the house. Inside the house I get too distracted with what needs to be done there…so my solution is we just leave that stuff there and go somewhere fun. So much so that Jack generally asks "Where are we going today Mom" fairly early each morning.
This summer I was brave and decided to go to the beach. I remember spending long days at the beach, getting full of sand, swimming and having picnics. I love the water and I want my kids to love it as well. But, the beach?!?!?! So many things can go wrong, the training from my days as a lifeguard hasn't worn off….so much to watch. BUT…I decided to do it anyway. We got to McCarrons beach right away at 9am. Both big kids were off and running into the sand and water. We had the beach to ourselves which was really cool, plus it gave me a chance to figure out parameters and how this was going to work. Luckily the kids only waded and the roped in area was VERY shallow. Jack was building a river, Maddie was chasing a huge monarch butterfly, and Noah was happy to sit in the shade on the grass.

Then they got me to go in. Like I said, I love the water, so getting me into the lake was easy. I took Noah into the water and despite the introductory chill to the water he began splashing and laughing and just being at home in the water. After some playing and splashing, and trying to get the big kids to do the back float, there was a moment. I was kneeling with Noah in one arm, Maddie in the other and Jack right in front of me, the lake was still as were my kids, and it was another one of those simple things. One of those simple moments that you have to quickly capture because it moves on too fast. It was sweet, tender and I will carry that snapshot with me for a very very long time.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

'Twas the Night Before

Dear Jack,

I'm sitting here and have been watching you, all day. Well, actually I've been watching you since the day you were born. But today I've really been observing you. I cannot believe this day is almost here. Tomorrow is a big day for you and I. Tomorrow you will start pre-Kindergarten. You are ready. You are so ready. I just hope they are ready for you. I've been able to plan, protect and filter all of your interactions with the world thus far. However, tomorrow morning once you get onto that bus you are on your own. At least for 3 hours. I cannot be there to give you guidance, reminders or cues. I just have to trust that I've taught you well and that you are smart enough to make your own decisions. What I love about you is your ability to take on the world with open eyes. You approach each and every interaction with a curiosity and a sense of wonder that takes my breath away. You have been allowed limited access to certain big kid things, and I want you to stay true to who you are always. Today when that big kid spat at you twice I watched you walk back home with your head hanging. You were upset and confused. But you came home for comfort and encouragement. Keep coming home. We will always be here to give you whatever it is you need to keep growing and venturing out into the world. Be the "Mayor" of your class. Get to know everyone, for everyone has something to share with you. Dazzle everyone with your spirited light and immerse yourself in this new independent experience. I will miss you while you are at school, as I do whenever you are away from me. I cannot wait to hear how your days are once you return home each day. I'm so proud of you and am so proud to be your mom. Go Get 'em Bubba!!!

Love,

Mom

Sunday, July 18, 2010

I want my MTV

I have always had a love for music. Singing, playing and listening to music. In much of the same thread as wanting to ensure my kids experience a taste of everything, I want them to experience all kinds of music. This plan so far has worked out well.

The kids like to make musical instruments out of anything, and Jack is frequently playing his guitar and putting on shows for us. This brings back so many memories of the thousands of shows I put on for my own parents. I remember distinctly watching both Jack and Maddie unable to hold still when hearing music.

I even recall Madeline dancing to the sound of John starting up a chainsaw outside....hilarious. Not only do I want my kids to know, love and appreciate music I want them to feel and experience its awesomeness.

I decided that last summer was "free summer" and I had a small goal of trying to find all the fun free things there were to do. That was great fun. This summer however has turned out to be the Summer of Music. It really all started with Jacks love of the Imagination Movers. They truly opened the door for his love of music. The next step was the morning I discovered my kids not only liked Glee, but Lady Gaga as well. WHAT!!!! We watched the Glee version of 'Bad Romance' at least 10 times that morning, and will often re-watch it at least weekly. This was great!! I still catch them singing the tag-line all the time. We then re-discovered the power of live music. Thank you so very much to Koo Koo Kangaroo and the Okee Dokee Brothers. We decided that in the spirit of the theme of Summer of Music we would be groupies for these two bands. Yes!!! It has been so much fun to travel around the twin cities and meet new kids and see familiar bands.

But really when you think about it, who doesn't love music? Everyone has that memory that there is surely a song to go along with. I'm just glad that the soundtrack of my kids lives is starting early, and hopefully will go deep.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

The Small Things

The last blog post about our morning routine left me with the image of 5 bodies in one full size bed. Two adult sized ones and three kid size ones, in one full size bed. This is one of the reasons that I think our morning cuddle, or wrestle rather, doesn't last more than a minute or two. I just couldn't get that image of us squeezed into that bed out of my mind. It made me reflect on the series of conversations John and I have had about Small Things.

This conversation has played out several times in our lives. First about the size bed to buy. Full size, we reasoned it would promote closeness. I will spill the beans to the world that my strong construction contractor of a husband is a cuddler. No reason for anything bigger.

The Small Things conversation again happened when we were looking for houses. We very intentionally bought a small house. Easier and less time to take care of and clean would leave us more time for our family. Small spaces would force us to be near one another and hopefully interact (I've seen this play out with Maddie and Jack for good and for bad....but relationship building none the less). Cost was a factor of course as well, more money diverted to other things we need. Speaking of things, a small house forces us to think about what is inside it and to purge the house occasionally to keep things manageable.

This has proven to be a good idea thus far. I can imagine arguments over the one TV in the family room, the one computer...and it is true that all three of my kids will share a bedroom in the not so distant future. This was also done intentionally. There have been several nights of Maddie and Jack talking, singing or throwing stuffed animals back and forth to one another in their room, and this has been SO FRUSTRATING when all I want to do is sit my tail on the couch and eat Oreo cookies. I have also occasionally eavesdropped and heard the content of their conversations. Its very sweet and cute and they somehow manage to get along best when I'm not around. Imagine adding Noah into the mix and it is surely a recipe for disrupted sleep, messy room, fights and yelling. But that is part of growing up, and if they have to grow up why not do it together instead of separate rooms on different floors. I'm not crazy enough to think that the three of them will share a room forever. At some point they will each need some space, but the lessons that are learned in this situation are so valuable and simple, and the time to learn them passes so quickly.

The last Small Things conversation that John and I had were the ones where we decided to start having kids, and add to our family. We always said we would "have two and then a conversation". That plan happened, but not as anticipated. Two happened....hooray for Jack, hooray for Maddie. The conversation that followed after the "two" was a little different than we'd imagined. We knew right away that this was totally awesome and that not much would change, as we were already used to being in close quarters with each other....used to keeping things small, manageable, real and meaningful.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Mornings

When you have kids mornings take on quite a different feel. Essentially the kids take the choice of what to do with your morning...scratch that....they kids decide what to do with their morning. I believe this to be the truth in most households with children. I have heard lovely stories of mothers who will rise before their families and start coffee, read the paper, etc.

I've done this once. While I did like it, and can see the appeal, the truth is that I really like to lay in bed as long as I possibly can. They are the first to rise get to start the households day in motion. Jack is an early riser, always has been. There have been mornings where we have been at the grocery store or a 24-hour McDonalds at 5:30am.....seriously. Maddie tends to sleep in a little bit more, and Noah is happy to sleep as long as he has his milk supply available (that would be me).

But it didn't take very long to see that trying to stay in bed to actually rest vs. shout threats from our room, was a losing battle. We have been able to put some structure into the mornings at our house to get a little more shut-eye. Room darkening shades, snacks in bed for the kids, other various bribes. Most recently we have begun setting a timer outside of Jack and Maddies room. This seems to work. Whatever time the big kids wake up they understand that they are to stay in bed until the timer goes off at 7am. This has seemed to work well, most of the time.

They will often come into our room holding the alarm (John's cell phone) telling us it is time to get up. Now, despite the fact that I have been up since 530 with Noah, who has settled into a pattern of nursing and then singing to me....I am able to manage to get a little more rest, or at least move Noah out of the way so I can get some cuddle time with John. What...yes, cuddling with my husband, its like a date.

Some mornings each one trickles into our room one by one. Noah has been with us all night, but Jack sometimes comes in (at his 530 preferred wake time) and cuddles with me and falls back asleep. Maddie, who can exit her crib with stealth silence, will come in generally with the alarm or to announce "Im all done with night night". So then we've got all 5 of us in one bed. Picture that, all five of us in a full size bed. Together. Jack generally is all over Noah. Maddie likes to pretend to hide from....she doesn't get that we are all right there, but we play along anyway. I think poor Noah goes from having mom and dad all to himself to being mangled by a big brother and sister. Poor Noah, he takes all of our chaos so well. I think he just understands he has no other choice. I think he is laughing inside, and now sometimes outside as well.

While this way to start the day only lasts a minute or two until someone needs breakfast, a new diaper, or has been kicked poked or smothered by another. Its a really cool time of day that I didn't appreciate until I stopped fighting it.

Next Post: All the Small things.

Monday, June 7, 2010

Noah, Maddie and Jack-of-All-Trades

I've often found myself knowing a little about a lot of things, and being comfortable in vastly different situations. My parents were mindful about exposing me to many different activities, kinds of people, etc. For this I am thankful. I can change the oil in my car, appreciate an opera, sail a boat and create a website, among other things. This is something that I've always appreciated and dearly loved about John as well. He will go anywhere, and befriend anyone all with a smile on his face.

This became a topic of conversation for us. The night before we went to the cabin for a week with the kids we had the opportunity to take in a live classical music performance. About 1/2 way through the performance, I glanced down at Johns hands. Rough, scraped up, strong...just like him. But there he was enjoying this soft, tender beautiful musical performance. We talked about how we wish that type of balance for our kids as well. I wish for them to be able to love, appreciate and understand sports, music, people, social graces, art, tools, animals, games, trivia, humor, nature, and more. Everything the world has to offer. I want Madeline to be able to change the oil on her car and then turn around and put on a beautiful dress and head out on the town. I want Jack to understand how it feels to really dance and then head outside and fish the afternoon away. I want Noah to appreciate the adventure of a good storybook and then cook an ethnic meal for our family.

I want them to try. Try new things, new looks, new friends, new foods, new experiences. Its okay for Jack to have painted toenails and wear a ring. Its okay for Madeline to play in the dirt and sand, its okay to have Noah wear a pink leopard print fleece sweatshirt (side story: Noah had a very substantial diaper episode at ECFE one night and I had no extra clothes with me. Luckily they have extras at school for such incidents. However the only thing they had that would fit him was this super bright pink leopard print fleece...I did have to remind myself that it was okay). I want them to try and not be afraid. I feel once you have a new experience, not only will it help you when you do that same thing again, but what you've learned will make other new experiences more appealing, easier and familiar, and push you to try more. The question that then comes is, how do I as their parent find the mommy-balance that I need in keeping them close and letting them try?

The truth is that I believe all parents want this for their kids. I need this for myself. I need to be balanced and I am more comfortable being a "Jill-of-all-Trades" than a Master of One. I just hope that they enjoy this varied, multi-colored, roller coaster ride of a growing up experience.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Three Wierd Things

I've noticed, just to myself, that I like weird things about my kids. I know that parents like their kids and that they are supposed to like everything about their kids. Not true. My kids make me laugh, smile, cry, yell, scream, smash guitars, pee my pants (for various reasons) and experience every other emotion available, even some that I cannot quite identify. That being said, there are very specific and particular things that in the last week I've noticed I very much love about each of my kids. And I am guilty of coaxing them to do these things just to make me smile. Warning: these things are weird and probably only things that a mother can love.

Along with the myriad things I love about Jack. I love the way that he holds up his hand to feel the air coming out of the vent in our mini-van. This is crazy. But he looks very cute doing this. It is very matter-of-fact and I believe that he feels that this is extremely important information to convey to me. It may be just getting a glimpse of his still small hands and reflecting on how big they have gotten in the past four years. Or thinking of all the cool things he has learned to do on his own. But more often than not I'll change the air settings and make him check to see if he can feel the air, usually twice!!

As for my Miss Madeline, I love her googly eye. She has a lazy eye, two actually. She had surgery last July to fix the right eye which was significantly more lazy. But the left side can do its own thing quite well. Sometimes she just looks Twiggy-esque and doe eyed, but others she looks like she is totally crazy!! It is also very cute and endearing. I think that she is so unaware of this makes it even cuter. I did miss her right eye once it was fixed, and will miss the left once it too has been repaired. But you bet that I snap a picture of her at every opportunity I get. Pair her eyes with her red hair, and she is quite the individual I hope she will continue to be.

Then there is Noah Bug. It is his looooooook. The way he looks at me. I believe that he has a look only for his mama. This may be in part because I provide all of his sustenance. But I will choose to believe it is because he loves me more than anyone else in the WHOLE WORLD, at least that is how his look makes me feel. He has been making sustained eye contact since the day he was born. Even at one week old the urgent care doc asked if he was "usually this alert". He has these old man eyes that can make you feel like he is reading your mind. But that look he gives everyone, I get a specialized version of this look and I treasure it each day.

I guess they are not too weird, but I have to keep reminding myself of these things especially on the guitar smashing days.

Monday, March 29, 2010

Madelines Crazy Hair

I've always said, to anyone who would listen, that I've always wanted a daughter with red hair. Now I have three kids, all with various degrees of red hair. While the point of redhead or not is frequently debated with me, I refuse to see it any other way. In my mind red is a spectrum. You have your strawberry blondes, which I would classify Jack and John. All the way over to the auburn shades, which Noah fits into. Then there are the no-doubt for sure red heads. I am proud to say that Maddie and I both fit into the latter area of the red spectrum.

I remember growing up getting a lot, A LOT, of attention for being a red head. Especially when I had curly red hair. I remember totally not understanding what the big deal was, but appreciating the attention anyways. Now I have a two year old daughter with red curly hair, which I fawn over multiple times per day. She is a sweet, smart and beautiful young lady...with this WILD woman, crazy hair. It is always getting into her face and eyes, and sticks to whatever has stuck to her face (i.e. juice, candy...boogers). But rarely will she brush it out of her face. I tried to wait until she was officially two to cut her hair. But I had to intevene and cut her bangs. They formed natrually and just needed a little trim. I have no desire to cut the main portion of her hair anytime soon, but may be forced to as she has acquired another trait from me. The love of gum. I believe it will only be a matter of time until I have to cut a precious lock entagled with our beloved Trident Whitening.

It is nice, however, the days that she will let me "do" her hair. It started with piggies, and then progressed to braids. I've even gotten her to sit still for two french braids down either side. Mostly I barely manage to get one pony in and she is ready to move on to the next project and adventure. Running off, with red curls bouncing behind her.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Kids Save the strangest things

Jack had a rough morning. The day basically started with him being put into time out. But for some reason, he rebounded. Im not sure if he was imitating me or what was going on. I was hell bent on getting the floor not only swept but mopped as well after naps. This is a very tricky task in timing and managing locations of all three kids. In hopes of having no walk throughs I put the two big kids outside in the backyard and Noah in a swing. I managed to pick up all the toys and miscellaneous debris from the floor and announced to the kids as they were walking out the back door that everything on the floor would be getting swept up and thrown away, and if they wanted any of it to claim it now or let it go. Nothing was claimed. I guess the lure of the outdoors was too much, and out they went. Maddie lasted about 15 minutes. Long enough for me to get the living room and kitchen swept clean. At least she will watch a movie and sit still while I mop. In went 'The Princess and The Frog' (a 2nd birthday gift) and commence mopping. In walk Jack as Im getting the dirt pile into the dustpan…WAIT!!! He needed to rescue things from the garbage first; a birthday card envelope, a memory match game card, a tiny plastic Frisbee from the carnival that morning. Life changing items. Once he sifted through the dirty pile he disappeared into his room. I actually got to mop the whole living room and kitchen in one attempt!! This is victorious, truly…the planets must be aligned or something. But even as I finished I knew that it was odd that I hadn't seen or heard from Jack in the 5-6 minutes it took to complete the mop job. I went to check on him (of course Maddie is still sitting still on her chair with her feet up, and Noah is doing a great job of eating the plastic rings dangling in front of him). I find him…get this…putting his clothes away. Yes. That is right. On his own, he was separating the large pile of clean folded laundry that I'd placed in his room the night before, into small piles of like items. This is the way we do it when I help him with this task. He was actually doing a wonderful job of this and I had a mommy-moment before I went in to offer a compliment. Before I could even tell him how cool this was, he roped me into helping him. He took on my usual role of sorting the big pile and handing me all similar items to put away together. He even had been throwing the jammies into the corner to be dealt with last as I do. It was very cute and sweet and I did eventually get to offer him a huge compliment of how proud of him I was and just how big he is getting. Then we put away the jammies and I noticed that he had done some re-arranging. One of his drawers he told me was dedicated to all of "my paperwork". He has been a paper collector forever and would have small piles all over the house. Apparently he needed one central spot for all of his paperwork. He proudly showed me each treasured piece of paper that he has been saving. Art projects from school, newspaper ads, flyers, etc. Along with the paper were other important things. Random chess pieces, a wrapper from gum (which he saves and calls his "guys"), puzzle pieces, a rock or two. Im glad to say that I just took this in and smiled again at how very sweet this act is and tried to burn into my head his pride with all of his saved and prized paperwork.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Jumping

We had to get out fairly early this morning. Jack has judo...yes, judo, on Monday mornings. It is a very long class (90" for a 4 year old!!), and it gives Maddie, Noah and I time to be together. Jacks energy generally dominates a situation and its hard to focus on the little ones when he is around. Plus, he gets to spend an hour and a half wrestling with other little boys. Its a no lose situation.

In adjusting to having three kids, some tricks have come in handy. I remember when I was pregnant with Noah I wasn't nervous at all about having a baby, dealing with night feedings, etc. What I was worried about was logistics. How do I, with two arms, get three kids out of the house, into our mini-van, through Target? How will this work. It is nice now that Jack can pretty much get ready 100% by himself, with about four thousand verbal cues. They generally start about 45" before we have to leave and at a conversation volume and end with me yelling at him to go sit in his room until he has his socks, shoes and jacket on. The time outs create great anxiety for him. He has gotten it into his mind that we will leave without him and gets more and more upset as the time-out progresses, and he doesn't get the point of the time out. I've recently modified his time-outs to lessen his anxiety and help him think about the reason behind the time out.

This modification is largely thanks to the Imagination Movers. (Side Note: I love the Imagination Movers almost as much as Jack does. Im not ashamed either.) They have a song called "Time Out". We were listening to it en route to the zoo last week, and during the 4th playing of "Time Out" a new idea came to me. What if I burned this song for him to play during time outs in his room. His first question when we give a time out to him is "When can I get out?", playing this song would alleviate that question. But I still wanted to have him think about the reason he was in the time out, or a solution to the problem. I thought I'd give him a note pad and have him draw a picture to discuss after the time out.

It was awhile until I was able to try it, but...it worked. He listened to the entire song (a perfect 2 minutes and thirty seconds), drew a picture of the Imagination Movers brain. When he came out with picture in hand we were able to discuss his picture and the reason for the time out and a solution. It worked so well that about twenty minutes later I heard he and Maddie playing in their room with the song playing, over and over and over. Im not opposed to giving yourself a time-out.

Back to this morning. One of the logistical solutions that I came up with to get us into the van more smoothly was asking Jack to help Maddie walk to the garage. It is actually pretty cute, he is very demanding and holds her hand and basically pulls her to the garage. All the while he is talking to her in a very motherese way cueing her to step up, down or around things. They are very slow and Maddie falls alot so I have time to pack Noah and myself up and get out the door. So pretty much all I have to do is send them outside with the instructions to go to the car and poof Im down to one kid!!

This morning I did just that and Jack gave up about half way to the garage. He started playing in the yard and abandoned Maddie on the sidewalk. When left alone near ice or snow she is very nervous and cautious about moving. So I found her crying (sobbing) and terrified to move. There is no snow at all on our sidewalk so there was no reason for the drama, but I think she has learned that the sidewalk isn't a safe place to walk and Im guessing it will be July until she learns the snow is gone. So I walked hand in hand with Maddie to the garage. I always wander where kids learn things or if kids just have set of kid-things to do. She began jumping over all the cracks in the sidewalk. Walking up to the crack, lining up both feet on the edge and with great concentration jumping over the crack. She included a very loud grunt with each jump, which was cute because by the time she recovered from the grunt it was time to jump again and so she had to pause and ready herself for the next jump.

I remember doing this as a kid, as Im sure everyone does. But it just struck me that such a simple pleasure doing such a normal everyday could be so much fun when given the attention. I could have gotten frusterated with Jack for ditching his sister and asked him to stop playing to help her our. However it is a nice reminder that even with all the planning and precautions I try to take, letting things happen on their own can provide a warm memory to keep.

Friday, March 5, 2010

New Lessons

Maddie taught me a lesson today.

I have a hard time letting go of my kids. I try to take on the majority of the responsibility for taking care of them and feel that incessant mommy guilt when others step into help. The reality of it is that I have a hard time recovering from the break. I also don't do transitions well. Once I've taken a break or have done my own thing for awhile, becoming Mommy again is a difficult mind shift. It goes the other way too. The afternoons I have to go to work, it takes me awhile to settle into work-mode. So today when we arrived at an indoor play place only to find it PACKED (on a Friday morning)....I had a hard time letting them go and a hard time transitioning from just the four of us singing in the van to loads of kids (that aren't mine) running crazily indoors.

I've been slowly getting back to the regular outings we always did before Noah was here. We usually leave the house at least once a day (this was a goal of mine to help stave off cabin fever). Jack generally asks in the mornings where we are going that particular day. I also find that I am not at good at playing with the kids when Im at home. I am too easily distracted my housework and chores. I can play much better when were out and away from laundry, dishes and such. I've been checking off the regular places we go, working from the most contained to the least. We have the routines for each trip down pat. From what we wear, to what kinds of snacks to bring, to the timing of the trip...we've got it. Now that Noah is with us, things have changed a bit (i.e. nursing an infant in public while trying to keep an eye line on a 2 and 4-year old). Thank you Auntie Kelsey for the hippie wrap that has saved my life. I started my solo-ventures with a visit to a community center open gym. It went well. I put Noah in my sling and chased the kids. Open Gym...contained, one scannable room, fairly uncrowded. CHECK!! I got practice at the Zoo, shopping and the Children's Museum. The one that made me most uncomfortable was going to an indoor play ground.

Jack is cool on his own at places like this. He can climb up and down, figure out his way around, meet other kids and find me if he needs help. Maddie is just a little too small to get around on her own, frequently gets stuck and pretty much just wanders the whole time with no rhyme or reason. She and I usually play together in the huge structures (even while I was pregnant). I remeber that I always wanted my parents to come and play with me at these places and have always vowed to be the parent that plays with their kids. Plus its a good workout. But now with Noah here it is impossible to climb up and up and up and then slide and do all the fun things a playground requires. So today was going to be the day that Maddie was going to go it alone. I figured Jack could help out should she get stuck, and since it was a weekday morning the place shouldn't be busy so I could yell to her. Even if worse came to worse I could leave Noah in the stroller and go help her out.

I should have known by the severe number of minivans in the parking lot that this wasn't going to be a good day to go. But I had a free pass and a packed lunch and the kids were ready to play. So we went in and saw KIDS EVERYWHERE. Seriously...it was a no school day. Jackets and Boots in a locker, I had to wait a good three minutes before I could even go near the playground. It was chaos, huge loud noisy chaos. The minute we went in Jack and Maddie disappeared. I tried to keep an eye on Maddie and very quickly lost sight of her. With so many people around there would be no way of knowing if she were okay or needed my help. Anxiety building, I had to quickly resolve myself to trusting her and giving her freedom to explore on her own.

I probably sound like a very overprotective parent. That I am not. I try to be a distant supervisor and let natural consequences teach lessons. But I do not like crowds and I usually have the luxury of visiting places during off-peak hours so know what it is like to have places almost to ourselves, and I love it!!!!!

She did great. I would catch sight of her every few minutes. I don't think she climbed very high, just traced the same path through the playground over and over. She would come and find me, check in and then go off running again. It was very sweet. At one point she returned to me with a huge piece of candy in her hair and another time I found her and she had decided to take off (and leave behind) her socks and was running around barefoot. But she LOVED it, in fact her laughter was how I spotted her a few times.

When we left she was exhausted, as we all were. And even with her new found freedom and independence at the indoor play place, she still asked to hold my hand as we walked in the house.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Thud!

This was the sound we woke up to this morning. THUD! And then a cry. Jacks cry. Jacks "I'm hurt" cry.

Visions of a broken arm flashed across my mind and I shrugged my shoulders and thought "it was only a matter of time". No broken bones this morning. He had been in Maddies crib, "showing her my owies", and fell out en route back to his bed.

But a bite on Maddies arm a little later cost him ALL of his Imagination Movers gear. This was a big deal. He worked all morning to get his stuff back, with reminders from me and his auntie.

Mostly a typical day for us. Visit to the zoo, nap with Noah, a movie, dinner and baths.

I didn't have much to write today, which just might be a good thing. Then Jack picked me to rock him before bed.

Maddie was still awake and joined in the rocking chair ritual. She stood in her crib and reached out to feel my hair. I sung a few of our favorites and then tucked each in bed.

Nothing too frilly, nothing too fancy...but a tender moment all the same.
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Monday, March 1, 2010

The Truth.

Lying. Interesting how a person begins to understand the art of the lie. Noah doesn't have the capacity to lie...yet.

Maddies lies consisted of avoiding confirming our suspicions of having a dirty diaper. Her lack of a verbal response was totally blown by her facial expression!!! Cute lying. Totally cute lying. She then progressed to the turn-and-run or the smile-tilt-the-head-so-super-cute forms of avoidant lying. Now she has gotten to the straight up "NOPE" response to our inquiries or the worst The Evil Eye. I believe The Evil Eye serves to buy her time to come up with another out....or to get distracted by something else. I should say too that in all cuteness (and from a place of motherly love), Maddie has a lazy eye. Depending on how lazy it is being at the time she can look devilishly cute and doe-eyed or truly totally evil.

Jack didn't really care to lie until he was about three and a half. This is when he began to really plan ahead and foresee consequences. Usually I would hear an "Oops" and he would straight up tell me that he had sprayed the basement with a whole warehouse size can of lysol or punched yet another hole in the wall in his room. That was okay, then he read about Pinocchio. When attempting to lie to us he would follow his statement by asking if his nose was growing. He then was able to generalize this to our conversations to see if we were teasing him. He would ask if our noses were growing....or better yet take a really good look at our faces.

Today we added another type of lie. Jack and I had a grocery shopping date. We had a successful trip, he was being a great helper and building towers in the cart out of the groceries. When I began to bag the groceries I noticed a package of gum that I hadn't put in the cart. I asked Jack about this and he told me he hadn't put the package in the cart either. I told him that I believed him and continued to bag the groceries. Another minute later he came to me and said "I guess I did put the gum in the cart...is my nose growing?" This is a parenting dilemma. Do I scold him for putting the gum in the cart without telling me then lying, or do I tell him that I'm glad he told the truth?

Combo.

"Jack you need to ask before you put things into the cart, that was sneaky. I'm glad you told me the truth, but I wished you would have told me the truth right away. I'll have to keep reminding you of the rules until you are able to remind yourself". Its so hard to really put a lot of weight and consequence into these little lies. But I have my eyes on the teenage years when there is most certainly going to be all types of lying attempts.

I think what I really am trying to do is make sure that these kiddos know that their parent base is strong, stable and consistent and that the truth is valued very highly.

That's if I can keep a straight face during the tilt-the-head Pinocchio nose phase first.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Early Morning Music

I woke up to feed Noah at his usual 6:30-ish, and was privvy to a morning serenade. Maddie was already up singing at the top of her lungs. Not a care in the world, just her and her 25 stuffed animals that she sleeps with, singing. She has developed a routine of asking for her stuffed animals that she needs to cuddle with each night. Baby Sue is tops, quickly followed by Rocka and then, of course, Elmo. There are tons of other friends in her crib, whom occasionally get named for the cuddle. Heaven forbid one be missing, she'll ask for that one for sure. She has three Baby Sue dolls. You can tell which one she got first, second and third based on the progress of their dreadlocked hair. She has a thing for hair. She has twiddled, and widdled these babies hair to lovely dreads. She ALWAYS prefers the newest (i.e. least dreaded) baby Sue. When without Sue, her hair becomes a target. I've often gone to check on her before I go to bed and her fingers are still gracefully twirling her hair as she sleeps. It is really quite cute. The singing this morning was equally as beautiful. Only about 1/2 I could understand, but she was having a great time and luckily not waking up Jack so I was cool with it.

Her solo lasted about 20 minutes and then Jack did wake up to join her. Once we moved Maddie into their room, it took them SEVERAL months to realize that they shared a bedroom. When they did they started to have these great conversations which generally turn into fights that require intervention. It took them even longer to realize that they could throw things at one another from their beds. Jack is at a significant advantage being in a lofted bed, but Maddie has the lung power to almost make it unbearable to him if he does nail her with a toss. This morning was no exception. They started singing at one another and then laughing histerically. As much as I wanted to drift back to sleep it was impossible, and as much as I wanted to understand exactly what they were laughing at, that too was impossible. Inevitably it did turn into a fight, well actually a bathroom emergency. Jack was yelling that he needed to use the restroom and Maddie began yelling "I have poo-poo's". This phrase she KNOWS will get our attention very quickly and is the surest way out of the crib, true or not.

John got out of bed to start the day with the big kids, while Noah and I got to lay and cuddle a little while longer. I was able to reflect on the simplicity of Maddies songs this morning. Usually lack of awareness is regarded as a negative attribute. However with kids, I think it is something to observe, cherish and protect. She didn't care that it was too early to be awake, that her brother was sleeping in the bed next to hers or that her words didn't rhyme or that she wasn't in tune. All she knew is that she felt like singing and damn it she did!!

Friday, February 19, 2010

Take Advantage

Today I got a nice reminder of how much of my kids lives I dont know about, and how little effort it takes for me to know. Specifically I'm talking about Jack (told you there would be many posts on him). He had his 4-year old check up today. It was scheduled during naptime and I had the opportunity to take him alone while John stayed at home with the two little kids. I try to get the kids one to one whenever I can and really take advantage of the time together. This is hard to do. Usually it is wrapped up in a task, or an errand. But I have to take what I can, so today a trip to the doctor turned into a date.

After about 10 minutes of convincing Jack that this appointment would not involve any shots, he agreed to go, only if he could "sit in Joey's chair". We do preschool pick-up twice a week and keep his friends car seat in the van. Joey recently switched to a car seat where you use the van seat belt vs. the 5-point harness. This is a big deal. Really. A big deal. He'd been using Joey's seat for every ride since the switch, so it was an easy request to fulfill.

En route to the doctors office was a quiet ride. Jack was looking out the window. As I glanced back to him, I wished that I could hear his internal monologue. Is it busy? Loud? Full of questions? Labeling what he is seeing? Just to be a fly on the wall of his head would be cool.

Not too long thereafter, about half way through the ride he stated to me, "I've had a lot of birthdays". He does a lot of comparing these days to "when I was 3" or "when I was a baby", to see just how much he's grown. The transition between 3 and 4 was significant and abrupt. On the morning of his 4th birthday he promptly went through all of his underware and gave all of the 3T sizes to his little brother, because now only the 4T's would fit. To this day he still checks the tag on his clothes and will only wear ones labeled 4T. He was looking at one of John's t-shirt tags this morning and asked where the "22" was. He believes that John is 22 and I'm 17, so obviously we wear those sizes too!!!

In the van, we started talking about his 4th birthday party and the things each of us remember. The cake, his family, the gifts, what he wore. When he said that he could count all 4 birthdays I had a flash back to the day he was born. As I held him for the first time I spontaneously starting singing "Happy Birthday" to him and was soon joined in with the labor team. So technically I could count five birthdays, but I just smiled and kept this one to myself for now.

Once we arrived in the waiting room the receptionist handed us a questionaire to fill out prior to meeting with the doctor. I asked Jack the questions and had him give me the answer. I was suuprised at the ones he knew the answer to. However, I was even more happy at the ones he didn't know. I had the time and the ability to devote my attention to him to tell him the answer or help him figure it out. This questionaire turned into a great conversation and teaching moment. I think the best part of it for today was that it didn't feel forced or planned. It felt like a solid interaction with my boy. This conversation continued as we waited in the clinic room for the doctor. The nurse had given him a sheet with his current stats and a developmental summary. I read the sheet aloud to him and asked questions about his motor skills, rules, cooperation, safety and play. I was amazed at his answers. He told me of his friends (Charlie, Joey and Lawson), his dreams (the Imagination Movers), his favorite toys (puzzles) and then some (how he pretended to jump into a puddle of chocolate today at tumbling class). He asked questions and listened to my answers. We made eye contact, sat close together...he even volunteered several kisses. All while waiting for the doctor.

The check-up was good, he is a healthy and happy boy. No shots this time around, as promised. Best of all, the visit was capped with an orange sucker for the ride home. I wasn't sure that this small time of concentrated one to one interaction meant as much to him as it did me. Until he said to me from Joey's seat in the back of the van, in-between pulls from the orange sucker, "Mom, I like having dates with you".

Happy Birthday little man, Happy Birthday.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

It takes time

The hardest adjustment to having kids just might be getting used to a different perception of time. Especially how much you can accomplish in a certain given time. This goes both ways. With the kids around I can get the usual things done, a half of a load of laundry that will have to be run again because it has started to stink, dishes rinsed, breakfast made (after finding mine still in the microwave from yesterday), garbage bagged and ready to be taken to the alley... over the course of a day. But, give me an hour to myself and World Peace is within my grasp, and watch out when John and are on the move together.



When we're out and about running errands is a plan in logistics as well. Today the lovely Auntie came over and spent the morning with us. We'd planned to run to sign our tax returns then take the kids to an indoor play place. No problem. Plan was to leave the house at 9:30, I thought making it to the playground within an hour. We had the kids bundled and loaded in the car by 9:45am, signed our tax forms a half hour later and were off. Oh yes, a quick stop for coffee. Auntie ran in and got the coffee while I nursed Noah in the van. I noticed that it was a sauna in the backseats. I apparently had the heat on the hottest and highest settings. No wonder the kids cheeks were bright red and they'd been falling asleep. 10 mom points. By 11am we'd made it to the playground only to arrive with three sleeping kids, still hot from the sauna-van.

Now generally I'm fairly anal about getting the kids to our destination early for the day. This serves many purposes. I like to get there before a lot of others, and leave to get home to eat and nap. I may have taken the "sleep when the baby sleeps" a little too seriously. I still need my afternoon nap, laundry, dishes and garbage be dammed....and I'll structure my day around it.



Well the playground was closed this day, and we ended up just taking a walk outside. I figured they'd been cooped up in their roasting car seats, in winter jackets and hats for almost two hours by this time. So we pulled out the double stroller, and away we went. Ten minutes later we were back in the car headed home. It was probably hovering around the mid-thirties today and we had no gloves or boots. So back to home we went.



On the plus side I got to have a long over-due extended conversation with Auntie with relatively few disruptions, a cup of great coffee with steamed milk, and a morning out of the house. And as much as I tried, the coffee got to me and I didn't get a nap afterall.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Listening Ears

I have a feeling there will be a lot of posts about Jack. There is something about naming a child Jack that gives them this certain energy. Jacks zest for life is unable to be quenched, and he is sometimes too smart for his own good. He can make me well up with tears out of pride or want to pull all of my hair out. He is the child that we had to double gate (one on top of the other) because he would wander through the house at crazy hours. We did this until we found him in the "big" room (as we call it), double gates intact. He had removed the vent cover from his wall and crawled through the wall into the bathroom where he pushed the other vent cover out. That is Jack.

The instance that happened that prompted this whole blogging attempt was last Friday evening. I had all three kids at the Childrens Museum, and we'd met up with a few other pals of mine with their kids. After a bite at McDonalds (thats right), we were all playing and enjoying our time. Jack was doing his own thing and after awhile I found him digging in a pit of small rubber pieces looking for dinosaur bones. Jack began tossing small pieces of rubber all over the place. I completed the 1-2-3 counting that we do (I'll post more on that one too), and no cooperation from him. Tired, for sure...but I needed to get him to stop. I'd been holding Noah in a carrier (nursing most of the time), chasing after Maddie and I was hot sweaty and ready to have a glass of wine. Jack has a way of knowing this....the throwing of the rubber pieces continued. Finally I was able to get him over to me. As I drew in a breath to yell at him something happened. This something has never happened with Jack before. This something took 4 years to happen. I paused.

In that pause I was able to silence the mommy-monologue that is continually running through my head. "I think you forgot to turn on your Listening Ears", he looked at me totally confused. I really had no idea where I was going with this one. "Hmmmmm. I see them. But I think the batteries are worn out", this got his attention and without missing a beat he reached into his pockets pulled out imaginary Listening Ear batteries, put them in his ears and turned them on. (Side note: they turn on exactly the same way that Scott the Imagination Mover turns on his Wobble Goggles, which Jack has a pair of as well...surely there will be posts about the Movers). All it took was a little reminder to do better listening and he was off playing nicely with the other kids for the rest of the evening. I did tell him on the way out to the mini-van that I was proud of him. "How come I get to me your mom", I asked him. He looked at me and said, "I choose you Mom", very matter of factly.

That pause. It is something I've worked on since Jack was born. It is something that I work on with all of my kids. What was it about that moment? In a chaotic, loud, bright place, at the end of a week and after a long day at home. Probably the most unlikely place for a nice parenting moment. But it happened, and now I've got a new tool. Listening Ears.

I Have Three Kids

As I feel I've started a new route in my life. I feel a new blog may be in order. I've been re-reading my previous blog and just am not in touch with that lady any more. It's not that harsh...I just want a clean start. So INTRODUCING...."I have Three kids".

This phrase was provided to me by a dear friend who has advised me to utilize it as often and for any reason what so ever. Late to a party? I have three kids. House a mess? I have three kids. Forgotten to shower? I have three kids.

To explain I do have three kids. The most recent one arrived in December. Noah. He is a neat little guy and has really completed our family in a nice way. The remainder two are Jack and Maddie. Equally as cool, and interesing in their own ways. I wont go on to divulge too much here. My hope is that their personalities will come out through my blogging. I should mention too that there is a husband here too, John. His is spectacular at being a cool dad and husband. I'll let his personality emerge through stories as well.

While I believe that this will be an opportunity for me to process the events in my life with three kids, and hopefully to share funny stories and thoughts about our lives. I've observed several small things over the past few days that felt like they needed to be written. So here goes...our No-where-near-to-perfect, clean, organized or stress-free lives. On a Blog, for all to see.