Madeline is slow. The reasons are varied, and I'm trying to figure it out. But when push comes to shove, Madeline Maye is our Pokey Puppy.
Maddie probably isn't really slow. It is just that I have been broken in as a mother by Wild-Jack-ATTACK. And he is nothing but fast. He is so independent and just knows things, that I've gotten lazy about cuing him to do a lot of things. This is a good thing for me. However it hasn't been a good thing for Maddie. She needs a little more attention and a few more reminders and prompts to do things, and a substantial amount of time to do them in.
This may be TMI, but it really is the best way to describe how she is.
Madeline has recently decided to forgo diapers and use underwear instead. This is GREAT. John and I as parents have felt that kids will make this transition when ready and if pushed too early or too much they will delay the transition even longer. So we waited. And we waited. She gave signs, would try for a day or two and then refuse. We didn't push. But then the real thing came. She was READY, the stars were aligned and she did, in fact, need a little pushing. Pushing might be too strong, encouragement rather, to continue making the transition to underwear. "No pee-pee on Hello Kitty" was our phrase of the day, for several days. I still cannot even read that sentence with out laughing out loud. She did great. And there was a bonus: she stayed dry at night, right off the bat (as a measuring stick, Jack just started staying dry at night several months ago). So this was great. Now comes in the slow part.
Madeline likes privacy. A word that she knows from when others need bathroom privacy. She likes to ask for your help to get ready to go and then quickly demands her privacy and points you to the living room to wait her next command. This next command doesn't come, ever. Now there are times when privacy and taking your time in the bathroom is a-okay with me. AT HOME.
This doesn't work well when you have a 2-year old in a stall with you and a 9-month old, and you are trying to go quickly before the 9-month old crawls out of the stall, because that is hilarious. All the while trying to keep an ear on the 4-year old who must go alone in his own stall and tends to make friends with whomever he comes across. Then the 2-year old starts playing with the door lock, you wrap it up and grab the 9-month old who is 3/4 out of the stall (crawling on the super-clean bathroom floor). Once the 2-year old is safely on the pot she tries to demand her privacy and begin the restful lengthy time of rest on the pot. NOPE. As much as I hate it, I've had to give her count downs on the potty. This is a tried and true technique that parents use to help the transition from anything to anything (playing to eating, playing to bedtime, playing to bath, etc.) I never in a million years dreamed that I would be giving my daughter count-downs on transitions from toilet time to not-toilet time.
The mother-psychologist in me feels that this may come down to control. A part of it may be figuring out limits, her body and attention. All of this I know is true. But could it be possible, that in the chaos of our life with one another that she has found a slice of time that is all to herself. A place that she can be quiet and left alone? If this is indeed the case then I might take a lesson from my Pokey Maddie Maye and demand my own privacy once in awhile.
Monday, September 27, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Sweetie Girl.
I've got a running list of things to talk about here. I thought I'd open with the difference in speed at which we are getting to know Noah, then I thought about talking about the pace at which Maddie operates. I'm not sure if this is ironic, or what...Jack trumps them both. I guess the oldest is used to making the most noise and being the center. So here goes (with the promise to share the Noah and Maddie story soon...maybe that is a story in and of itself).
Jacks first week of school ended with a shit-eating-grin. He got off of the bus on Friday afternoon and was beaming. He announced to me that he had sat with his "Sweetie Girl". He was going to marry her and that he loved his "Sweetie Girl".
As we progressed through the afternoon, he repeatedly told me that "I kind of love you, mom. I love Noah....but I REALLY LOVE MY SWEETIE GIRL". Now, keep in mind that he has no idea what Sweetie Girls real name is, just that he totally loves her.
Jack is a very affectionate boy. He loves to hug and kiss. When he and I went through how to ride the school bus, we pretended the front porch steps were the bus and I was the driver. We practiced waiting at the corner until the doors are open, greeting the driver, sitting still, etc. We did this several times and each time he got to "school" to get off of the bus he gave the bus driver a hug. He didn't do it because it was me, he did it because he is Jack. There must be something in Jack's genetic make-up that predisposes him to hugging. He does it a lot, and pleasantly surprises most people by his full on "you-are-awesome" hugs. It is quite cute. John is a hugger, he would rather hug than shake hands. I've been tempted to buy him a "FREE HUGS" t-shirt, on many occasions. So Jack comes by the hugs honestly.
Now that Jack is in more formal settings he has to become more aware of when and with whom hugs are best. (Picture: running up to and hugging the t-ball player on the opposite team once they reach home). I wish he could hug everyone he wished to, but I want him to learn to respect others space and right to say yes or no.
He is having a hard time with the ones that say "no".
This very morning I was waiting outside for Jack to come home. Once the bus pulled up to our house it took him a little longer than usual to get off of the bus. He walked down the stairs with his head down. I could feel the sadness across the 15 feet. Once he hit that bottom step he erupted into tears and ran into my arms. He squeezed me hard and cried even harder. "My Sweetie Girl didn't want to sit with me today on the bus". Ohhhh, my little boy!!! His poor little hugging heart was broken, and my mothers' heart was as well. He knew that she had sat with another girl on the bus (whose name he did in fact know). I tried to explain to him that maybe they wanted to sit together and didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I helped him to understand that he could sit with different people each day. I asked who he had sat with. This made it worse "No one, I sat all by myself". Ouch! Living in our small house, Jack has gotten used to having someone around for most everything and likes it. So sitting alone was terrible in his mind. He sobbed and sobbed. There were no good words at that time.
I had to do it. (Truth be told it was already part of the plan, but he doesn't have to know that). I just had to pull out the card that I knew would make this all better. McDonald's. Yes. McDonald's cured his broken heart today. A big long giant hug and McDonald's how could he say "no" to that?
Jacks first week of school ended with a shit-eating-grin. He got off of the bus on Friday afternoon and was beaming. He announced to me that he had sat with his "Sweetie Girl". He was going to marry her and that he loved his "Sweetie Girl".
As we progressed through the afternoon, he repeatedly told me that "I kind of love you, mom. I love Noah....but I REALLY LOVE MY SWEETIE GIRL". Now, keep in mind that he has no idea what Sweetie Girls real name is, just that he totally loves her.
Jack is a very affectionate boy. He loves to hug and kiss. When he and I went through how to ride the school bus, we pretended the front porch steps were the bus and I was the driver. We practiced waiting at the corner until the doors are open, greeting the driver, sitting still, etc. We did this several times and each time he got to "school" to get off of the bus he gave the bus driver a hug. He didn't do it because it was me, he did it because he is Jack. There must be something in Jack's genetic make-up that predisposes him to hugging. He does it a lot, and pleasantly surprises most people by his full on "you-are-awesome" hugs. It is quite cute. John is a hugger, he would rather hug than shake hands. I've been tempted to buy him a "FREE HUGS" t-shirt, on many occasions. So Jack comes by the hugs honestly.
Now that Jack is in more formal settings he has to become more aware of when and with whom hugs are best. (Picture: running up to and hugging the t-ball player on the opposite team once they reach home). I wish he could hug everyone he wished to, but I want him to learn to respect others space and right to say yes or no.
He is having a hard time with the ones that say "no".
This very morning I was waiting outside for Jack to come home. Once the bus pulled up to our house it took him a little longer than usual to get off of the bus. He walked down the stairs with his head down. I could feel the sadness across the 15 feet. Once he hit that bottom step he erupted into tears and ran into my arms. He squeezed me hard and cried even harder. "My Sweetie Girl didn't want to sit with me today on the bus". Ohhhh, my little boy!!! His poor little hugging heart was broken, and my mothers' heart was as well. He knew that she had sat with another girl on the bus (whose name he did in fact know). I tried to explain to him that maybe they wanted to sit together and didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I helped him to understand that he could sit with different people each day. I asked who he had sat with. This made it worse "No one, I sat all by myself". Ouch! Living in our small house, Jack has gotten used to having someone around for most everything and likes it. So sitting alone was terrible in his mind. He sobbed and sobbed. There were no good words at that time.
I had to do it. (Truth be told it was already part of the plan, but he doesn't have to know that). I just had to pull out the card that I knew would make this all better. McDonald's. Yes. McDonald's cured his broken heart today. A big long giant hug and McDonald's how could he say "no" to that?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Lifes A Beach....
I keep a running list of things I want to talk about in my blog. Seeing as how I've gotten out of the habit of blogging on a regular basis, and will be trying diligently to catch-up. There will be some that are a little out of date. Reflecting on Jacks first day of school today I began thinking about how this was his last summer with very little structure. He doesn't even realize the freedom he had, and at this point the structure is a VERY good thing for him. But that got me thinking of the summer we had.
As my work schedule is set-up now, I work very little. 28 hours per week in fact. Most of that work time is at odd hours. I've counted every lucky star, and thanked every spirit guide that has allowed me this goofy and messy work schedule. It allows me to have abundant time with my children. I feel incredibly blessed to have this gift. My hat tips to the full-time working mothers. I have to get my kids up, dressed and someplace outside of our home at inappropriately early hours, only occasionally…and that is TOUGH. My hat also tips to the full-time at-home working mothers. There are days I'm watching out the window for John to get home so I can catch a break and go to work. Bless every mother, we are all full time something-or-others and it is not easy for any of us. In my case, my Libra dances every day that I get to balance my life with kids and work.
But back to this summer. Summers for some reason trick me into thinking I'm a stay at home mom. Maybe it is because we can get out of the house early (which I prefer) and spend a long leisurely time at whatever destination we have chosen for that day. Side Note: I'm a much better mother out of the house. Inside the house I get too distracted with what needs to be done there…so my solution is we just leave that stuff there and go somewhere fun. So much so that Jack generally asks "Where are we going today Mom" fairly early each morning.
This summer I was brave and decided to go to the beach. I remember spending long days at the beach, getting full of sand, swimming and having picnics. I love the water and I want my kids to love it as well. But, the beach?!?!?! So many things can go wrong, the training from my days as a lifeguard hasn't worn off….so much to watch. BUT…I decided to do it anyway. We got to McCarrons beach right away at 9am. Both big kids were off and running into the sand and water. We had the beach to ourselves which was really cool, plus it gave me a chance to figure out parameters and how this was going to work. Luckily the kids only waded and the roped in area was VERY shallow. Jack was building a river, Maddie was chasing a huge monarch butterfly, and Noah was happy to sit in the shade on the grass.
Then they got me to go in. Like I said, I love the water, so getting me into the lake was easy. I took Noah into the water and despite the introductory chill to the water he began splashing and laughing and just being at home in the water. After some playing and splashing, and trying to get the big kids to do the back float, there was a moment. I was kneeling with Noah in one arm, Maddie in the other and Jack right in front of me, the lake was still as were my kids, and it was another one of those simple things. One of those simple moments that you have to quickly capture because it moves on too fast. It was sweet, tender and I will carry that snapshot with me for a very very long time.
As my work schedule is set-up now, I work very little. 28 hours per week in fact. Most of that work time is at odd hours. I've counted every lucky star, and thanked every spirit guide that has allowed me this goofy and messy work schedule. It allows me to have abundant time with my children. I feel incredibly blessed to have this gift. My hat tips to the full-time working mothers. I have to get my kids up, dressed and someplace outside of our home at inappropriately early hours, only occasionally…and that is TOUGH. My hat also tips to the full-time at-home working mothers. There are days I'm watching out the window for John to get home so I can catch a break and go to work. Bless every mother, we are all full time something-or-others and it is not easy for any of us. In my case, my Libra dances every day that I get to balance my life with kids and work.
But back to this summer. Summers for some reason trick me into thinking I'm a stay at home mom. Maybe it is because we can get out of the house early (which I prefer) and spend a long leisurely time at whatever destination we have chosen for that day. Side Note: I'm a much better mother out of the house. Inside the house I get too distracted with what needs to be done there…so my solution is we just leave that stuff there and go somewhere fun. So much so that Jack generally asks "Where are we going today Mom" fairly early each morning.
This summer I was brave and decided to go to the beach. I remember spending long days at the beach, getting full of sand, swimming and having picnics. I love the water and I want my kids to love it as well. But, the beach?!?!?! So many things can go wrong, the training from my days as a lifeguard hasn't worn off….so much to watch. BUT…I decided to do it anyway. We got to McCarrons beach right away at 9am. Both big kids were off and running into the sand and water. We had the beach to ourselves which was really cool, plus it gave me a chance to figure out parameters and how this was going to work. Luckily the kids only waded and the roped in area was VERY shallow. Jack was building a river, Maddie was chasing a huge monarch butterfly, and Noah was happy to sit in the shade on the grass.
Then they got me to go in. Like I said, I love the water, so getting me into the lake was easy. I took Noah into the water and despite the introductory chill to the water he began splashing and laughing and just being at home in the water. After some playing and splashing, and trying to get the big kids to do the back float, there was a moment. I was kneeling with Noah in one arm, Maddie in the other and Jack right in front of me, the lake was still as were my kids, and it was another one of those simple things. One of those simple moments that you have to quickly capture because it moves on too fast. It was sweet, tender and I will carry that snapshot with me for a very very long time.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
'Twas the Night Before
Dear Jack,
I'm sitting here and have been watching you, all day. Well, actually I've been watching you since the day you were born. But today I've really been observing you. I cannot believe this day is almost here. Tomorrow is a big day for you and I. Tomorrow you will start pre-Kindergarten. You are ready. You are so ready. I just hope they are ready for you. I've been able to plan, protect and filter all of your interactions with the world thus far. However, tomorrow morning once you get onto that bus you are on your own. At least for 3 hours. I cannot be there to give you guidance, reminders or cues. I just have to trust that I've taught you well and that you are smart enough to make your own decisions. What I love about you is your ability to take on the world with open eyes. You approach each and every interaction with a curiosity and a sense of wonder that takes my breath away. You have been allowed limited access to certain big kid things, and I want you to stay true to who you are always. Today when that big kid spat at you twice I watched you walk back home with your head hanging. You were upset and confused. But you came home for comfort and encouragement. Keep coming home. We will always be here to give you whatever it is you need to keep growing and venturing out into the world. Be the "Mayor" of your class. Get to know everyone, for everyone has something to share with you. Dazzle everyone with your spirited light and immerse yourself in this new independent experience. I will miss you while you are at school, as I do whenever you are away from me. I cannot wait to hear how your days are once you return home each day. I'm so proud of you and am so proud to be your mom. Go Get 'em Bubba!!!
Love,
Mom
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