I think it is about time to talk about Noah. "Third babies", I catch myself saying that fairly frequently. He really is an easy going child. Even as I was growing him in utero I sent him messages and talked with him about how he really had no choice, but to fit in and jump into our routine. I remember telling him in the hospital that he was going to have to speak up if and when he needed something. And that he did, and does.
What a lot of people don't know is that Noah had to spend extra time in the hospital after he was born. He started to run a high temperature and they were not able to figure out why. Poor little guy had IV's and blood draws, x-rays and even a spinal tap before he was three days old. The temperature resolved and we were able to take him home. Even though he stayed put in the special care nursery at the hosptial, it gave he and I a lot of time to bond together. I had the opportunity to talk with him and tell him how things were. While this was scary for me, I just knew that he was going to be okay and somehow I felt it too. He looked quite like an old man with a big giant nose when he was born, but he also seemed to have the wisdom of one as well.
I knew from the start that Noah was attached to me differently than the other two were. I believe that they all love their mama (and daddy too), but somehow this was just a little different. To this day, he knows when I get home from work in the evenings (he wakes up demanding food) and seems to prefer if he has an eye-ball on me. I always wanted my kids to be able to separate from me and trust that I would return. The older two aways were able to do this, I think having them in day-care helped to develop this. But since Noah isn't in day-care I was a little worried that with his strong attachment to me and having me around all the time would lead to neediness, and dependence on me. Not Noah.
I am able to volunteer at an ECFE class on thursday nights and actually stay in his classroom with him during the class. I tried to ignore him as best I could and play with other kids. It was so interesting to watch him watch me playing with other children. At first he needed to be around me and with me at all times and cried when we separated. However now, with a little help from the BRILLIANT ecfe teacher, he is content to play and scan the room every now and again to check-up on me.
Noah has learned to fend for himself, and this is great, because sometimes I just cant get to him right away. I remember the day that we all woke-up super early and I was trying to make coffee, get the big kids fed, probably get a load of laundry in, etc. I finally realized that I hadn't even changed poor Noahs over-night diaper and began to look for him. He was content, and I knew he had been played with by big brother and big sister as they had colored on him with marker. He had also found his own breakfast of something (edible) that was discarded under the couch. I still dont know really how I should feel about this, but truly I wasn't bothered. He did exactly what I asked him to do, jump in and join our crazy train.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Monday, November 8, 2010
Pretty as a picture
I want to take a blog moment and reflect on just why I do this, blogging. I have gotten a few very kind and meaningful compliments from folks who have read my entries. It was SO reassuring and motivating for me to continue to write my experiences with my children. Initially I started keeping a blog when Jack was born to document his life, however only kept up with it for 6 months or so. Once Noah was born I stumbled on it again and realized I had no idea who the hell was writing that stuff. It all seemed so trite and perfect and cutesy and cookie-cutter, and I'm none of those things. I began to read docce.com and fell in love with her brutal honesty and take on being a parent, and decided to give it another go.
I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.
It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.
Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.
I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.
I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.
It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.
Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.
I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Alone Time
Alone time may seem a thing of the past, that is alone time for Me. Forget about alone time with John... a date, whats that?!?!
Each time we have added another child to the mix it seems as if the alone time (aka individual attention) for each one gets to be less and less. This too is an important thing to me too to offer individual undivided attention to each child. This is hard to do. I mean it is really hard to do. So I have had to get creative with finding time for each one. I try to take someone with me on even the smallest errand, and simply titling it a "date with mom" seems to make it more special. I have also tried to create small simple routines that allow for the 1:1 time as well.
Jack I really have not had to worry about. He got to have more 1:1 time than probably Madeline and Noah combined!! He needs it too. He is the one who still sneaks into my bed before the sun rises almost every morning. He has learned very quickly that he can crawl in on my side and he wont wake up (and then get kicked out by) dad. This is great cuddle time, and we often share secret whispers as we begin to wake up. I also get a little alone time with him each morning when I walk him to the bus stop. This is a nice time together, we talk about his day or I teach him Camp St. Croix songs or not to step on cracks in the sidewalk.
Madeline gets stuck in the middle. She really only got 3 months of true alone time with me last year when Jack was in pre-school and before we had Noah. So I tried to take advantage of that and give her 1:1 trips to the Children's Museum, Zoo, shopping, etc. Finding time alone with her has proven to be the biggest challenge. Until now. Jack is in school in the mornings, and Noah still takes a morning nap. So after the boys are gone or sleeping we have "girl time". Most mornings she starts to pick out what she wants to do during "girl time" immediately. She is patient in waiting to do the special things (like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O, or play-doh, or helping to do dishes, cook or the laundry). We have about an hour or so each morning that is just for us. The testosterone clears the air and we can sit quietly and interact with one another (without wrestling...weird) and enjoy one another.
Noah Bug. Poor third babies. Good thing I nurse my kids, otherwise he may never get alone time with me. He is still waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and I think that he knows that is an opportunity for 1:1 time, and I'm not fighting it at all. He gets the occasional trip to the grocery store or gas station. But really, he gets schlepped into whatever the group as a whole is doing.
Until about a month ago.
I discovered early this summer that Ikea will give me a free one hour break from the kids. I resisted this convenience at first because I have a serious serious issue with any potential "dumping" of my kids anywhere. I'm working on this (not really). But we were there and Jack wanted to go in and ended up having a great time, as did I. The four of us were there about a month ago and Madeline requested to go in too. She had potty trained since we had been there last and was more than tall enough. Without reservation I signed she and Jack up to go and play and took off....alone with Noah!!!
We had the greatest hour. Looking at all the lights, puppies and dishes. I probably kissed him more times than was appropriate and I talked and talked and talked to him. I'm sure all of the other shoppers thought I was a lunatic, but I don't really care. I had found time with my Noah Bug. THANKS IKEA!!!!!
I cannot say that we have made trips every week to do this, but I think it is nice to have this little option in my back pocket. Plus who couldn't use a trip to Ikea at almost any moment, especially if it is with the cutest little Bug you've ever seen.
Each time we have added another child to the mix it seems as if the alone time (aka individual attention) for each one gets to be less and less. This too is an important thing to me too to offer individual undivided attention to each child. This is hard to do. I mean it is really hard to do. So I have had to get creative with finding time for each one. I try to take someone with me on even the smallest errand, and simply titling it a "date with mom" seems to make it more special. I have also tried to create small simple routines that allow for the 1:1 time as well.
Jack I really have not had to worry about. He got to have more 1:1 time than probably Madeline and Noah combined!! He needs it too. He is the one who still sneaks into my bed before the sun rises almost every morning. He has learned very quickly that he can crawl in on my side and he wont wake up (and then get kicked out by) dad. This is great cuddle time, and we often share secret whispers as we begin to wake up. I also get a little alone time with him each morning when I walk him to the bus stop. This is a nice time together, we talk about his day or I teach him Camp St. Croix songs or not to step on cracks in the sidewalk.
Madeline gets stuck in the middle. She really only got 3 months of true alone time with me last year when Jack was in pre-school and before we had Noah. So I tried to take advantage of that and give her 1:1 trips to the Children's Museum, Zoo, shopping, etc. Finding time alone with her has proven to be the biggest challenge. Until now. Jack is in school in the mornings, and Noah still takes a morning nap. So after the boys are gone or sleeping we have "girl time". Most mornings she starts to pick out what she wants to do during "girl time" immediately. She is patient in waiting to do the special things (like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O, or play-doh, or helping to do dishes, cook or the laundry). We have about an hour or so each morning that is just for us. The testosterone clears the air and we can sit quietly and interact with one another (without wrestling...weird) and enjoy one another.
Noah Bug. Poor third babies. Good thing I nurse my kids, otherwise he may never get alone time with me. He is still waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and I think that he knows that is an opportunity for 1:1 time, and I'm not fighting it at all. He gets the occasional trip to the grocery store or gas station. But really, he gets schlepped into whatever the group as a whole is doing.
Until about a month ago.
I discovered early this summer that Ikea will give me a free one hour break from the kids. I resisted this convenience at first because I have a serious serious issue with any potential "dumping" of my kids anywhere. I'm working on this (not really). But we were there and Jack wanted to go in and ended up having a great time, as did I. The four of us were there about a month ago and Madeline requested to go in too. She had potty trained since we had been there last and was more than tall enough. Without reservation I signed she and Jack up to go and play and took off....alone with Noah!!!
We had the greatest hour. Looking at all the lights, puppies and dishes. I probably kissed him more times than was appropriate and I talked and talked and talked to him. I'm sure all of the other shoppers thought I was a lunatic, but I don't really care. I had found time with my Noah Bug. THANKS IKEA!!!!!
I cannot say that we have made trips every week to do this, but I think it is nice to have this little option in my back pocket. Plus who couldn't use a trip to Ikea at almost any moment, especially if it is with the cutest little Bug you've ever seen.
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