Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Right Time, Right Place

i'm not sure really how to write about this topic. But it's something I've been thinking about for some time. It's how a first born child in a family gets a unique position within their family. They get their parents fresh. Good or bad. I think that we all start out heeding the rules, most of them anyway. Be ware of germs, sleep schedules, go to the doctor for reassurance, scour baby websites and message boards. How do you parent this child!?!? First born children get unlimited 1:1 or 1:2 attention all the time, they are in the spotlight. As they should be. So that becomes their norm.

Then baby 2 and 3 come and you have settled into your style and adding another does come with challenges but you've got the basics down. You have momentum going and stopping is really not an option. Getting used to a new personality is a cake walk. You wonder what was all the worry for in the first place?

Here is the dilemma. The firstborn demands the spotlight, as it is their norm. Is this first born status, or personality? Both? Nature vs. Nurture? How do you start to divert and divide your attention and maintain your momentum? How can you find that balance?

In our case, Jack is the eldest and demands a lot of family attention. His personality and energy change the dynamics of the entire house at anytime. Just watch how the household energy changes the minute he walks in from school. I've done a lot of thinking is his first born syndrome or his mega personality? Both? But more so...how do we allow him to be himself while not allowing his big persona to distract us from the others in the family?

I feel guilty that he did everything as early as he could...dance class, ecfe, judo, summer camp. And now the logistics of our family of 5 are preventing Maddie and Noah from getting to those things when Jack did.

It feels sometimes like it could look like favoritism which it is not...but I need to keep tabs on it because my heart would break if any of the kids ever felt his way.

I recognize that Jacks requests for attention are loud and in-your-face. They can overshadow those requests from Madeline and Noah. Everything he does he gets to do first and it is fresh and new for everyone.

I'm not so sure there is any one answer. I'm guessing most parents think about this in some regard or another.

There are a few bottom lines here I think.

I have to do the best I can to maintain awareness of the potential for uneven distribution of attention and make special efforts to give 1:1 time to the two little kids. Also I think that I simply have to trust they they were born into this family at the right place and time for them.

Monday, January 10, 2011

All about the Koo

We love to party.

I have to say that we are pretty good at it. I always have enjoyed getting together with people, I like parties and dancing. I've practiced this art that is party in various levels and forms as I have grown-up. John can surely hold his own at any party, he has a lot of experience. I believe that our love of a good time has surely passed along to our children, because they love to party.

We hosted an awesome kids/parents dance party yesterday (and had the fantastic Koo Koo Kanga Roo come and entertain us) with 80+ people. It was a blast!! Everyone came and painted their faces, ate cookies and danced the afternoon away. My kids all had special outfits (read: costumes) and enjoyed themselves silly. It was a great joy to look around the room and see kids and their parents laughing, dancing and having a heck of a good time together.

This party started as an idea for Jacks 5th birthday party. It eventually outgrew what I believe to be appropriate for a 5th birthday, so we thought that with Jacks, Johns, and Noah's birthdays, along with our Anniversary, Christmas and New Years all about this time of year...why not lump everything together and PARTY!! This was also coupled with the fact that I believe Koo Koo Kanga Roo to be an exceptional group of fellas...and I wanted to get my dance on in the middle of winter. The fact that this started as Jacks birthday party definitely prevailed during the party, and it ended up being great. Jack dressed up in his standard Koo Koo outfit, however this time we decided he needed his own golden accessory, so we equipped him with a spray painted fanny pack and spray painted some of his old tennies and he was a hit!!

He was in his element. He hung around with the guys from Koo Koo, made the rounds with his friends, devoted a bit of personal attention to one of his loves (Penelope)and spent most of the concert in the very front row. I say he was the life of the party. He thrives and gets energized by being around and interacting with others. He has no fear of speaking with anyone, he demonstrates exceptional manners and LOVES TO DANCE!!!!!!

Madeline enjoyed herself as well. She, of course, wore her costume and golden shoes. She danced, laughed and hung around with her Aunties (both big and little) for most of the party. She took a break to get her face painted and eat more than her fair share of cookies. But she too enjoyed being in this type of atmosphere, I think she may be quite the extrovert as well.

Noah, was Noah. Being a third child of John and myself and having siblings like Jack and Maddie, he essentially has no choice but to put on his party hat and join in. He did enjoy himself and danced, and visited with anyone who wanted to hold him...or give him cookies. He totally partied through his nap!!

It isn't very often that you do something and you are smiling about it the next day, just thinking about your experience. In Recreation Therapy we call this a Cathartic Experience. Yesterday proved to be just that for me. For many reasons, being surrounded by people in my life who were having a genuinely good time with their kids, because I was with my kids having a cathartically good time. But mostly because my kids were having a genuinely good time. And of course, because they confirmed to me that they can get lost in the moment, let go of their inhibitions and PARTY DOWN!!!!