Monday, March 29, 2010

Madelines Crazy Hair

I've always said, to anyone who would listen, that I've always wanted a daughter with red hair. Now I have three kids, all with various degrees of red hair. While the point of redhead or not is frequently debated with me, I refuse to see it any other way. In my mind red is a spectrum. You have your strawberry blondes, which I would classify Jack and John. All the way over to the auburn shades, which Noah fits into. Then there are the no-doubt for sure red heads. I am proud to say that Maddie and I both fit into the latter area of the red spectrum.

I remember growing up getting a lot, A LOT, of attention for being a red head. Especially when I had curly red hair. I remember totally not understanding what the big deal was, but appreciating the attention anyways. Now I have a two year old daughter with red curly hair, which I fawn over multiple times per day. She is a sweet, smart and beautiful young lady...with this WILD woman, crazy hair. It is always getting into her face and eyes, and sticks to whatever has stuck to her face (i.e. juice, candy...boogers). But rarely will she brush it out of her face. I tried to wait until she was officially two to cut her hair. But I had to intevene and cut her bangs. They formed natrually and just needed a little trim. I have no desire to cut the main portion of her hair anytime soon, but may be forced to as she has acquired another trait from me. The love of gum. I believe it will only be a matter of time until I have to cut a precious lock entagled with our beloved Trident Whitening.

It is nice, however, the days that she will let me "do" her hair. It started with piggies, and then progressed to braids. I've even gotten her to sit still for two french braids down either side. Mostly I barely manage to get one pony in and she is ready to move on to the next project and adventure. Running off, with red curls bouncing behind her.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Kids Save the strangest things

Jack had a rough morning. The day basically started with him being put into time out. But for some reason, he rebounded. Im not sure if he was imitating me or what was going on. I was hell bent on getting the floor not only swept but mopped as well after naps. This is a very tricky task in timing and managing locations of all three kids. In hopes of having no walk throughs I put the two big kids outside in the backyard and Noah in a swing. I managed to pick up all the toys and miscellaneous debris from the floor and announced to the kids as they were walking out the back door that everything on the floor would be getting swept up and thrown away, and if they wanted any of it to claim it now or let it go. Nothing was claimed. I guess the lure of the outdoors was too much, and out they went. Maddie lasted about 15 minutes. Long enough for me to get the living room and kitchen swept clean. At least she will watch a movie and sit still while I mop. In went 'The Princess and The Frog' (a 2nd birthday gift) and commence mopping. In walk Jack as Im getting the dirt pile into the dustpan…WAIT!!! He needed to rescue things from the garbage first; a birthday card envelope, a memory match game card, a tiny plastic Frisbee from the carnival that morning. Life changing items. Once he sifted through the dirty pile he disappeared into his room. I actually got to mop the whole living room and kitchen in one attempt!! This is victorious, truly…the planets must be aligned or something. But even as I finished I knew that it was odd that I hadn't seen or heard from Jack in the 5-6 minutes it took to complete the mop job. I went to check on him (of course Maddie is still sitting still on her chair with her feet up, and Noah is doing a great job of eating the plastic rings dangling in front of him). I find him…get this…putting his clothes away. Yes. That is right. On his own, he was separating the large pile of clean folded laundry that I'd placed in his room the night before, into small piles of like items. This is the way we do it when I help him with this task. He was actually doing a wonderful job of this and I had a mommy-moment before I went in to offer a compliment. Before I could even tell him how cool this was, he roped me into helping him. He took on my usual role of sorting the big pile and handing me all similar items to put away together. He even had been throwing the jammies into the corner to be dealt with last as I do. It was very cute and sweet and I did eventually get to offer him a huge compliment of how proud of him I was and just how big he is getting. Then we put away the jammies and I noticed that he had done some re-arranging. One of his drawers he told me was dedicated to all of "my paperwork". He has been a paper collector forever and would have small piles all over the house. Apparently he needed one central spot for all of his paperwork. He proudly showed me each treasured piece of paper that he has been saving. Art projects from school, newspaper ads, flyers, etc. Along with the paper were other important things. Random chess pieces, a wrapper from gum (which he saves and calls his "guys"), puzzle pieces, a rock or two. Im glad to say that I just took this in and smiled again at how very sweet this act is and tried to burn into my head his pride with all of his saved and prized paperwork.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Jumping

We had to get out fairly early this morning. Jack has judo...yes, judo, on Monday mornings. It is a very long class (90" for a 4 year old!!), and it gives Maddie, Noah and I time to be together. Jacks energy generally dominates a situation and its hard to focus on the little ones when he is around. Plus, he gets to spend an hour and a half wrestling with other little boys. Its a no lose situation.

In adjusting to having three kids, some tricks have come in handy. I remember when I was pregnant with Noah I wasn't nervous at all about having a baby, dealing with night feedings, etc. What I was worried about was logistics. How do I, with two arms, get three kids out of the house, into our mini-van, through Target? How will this work. It is nice now that Jack can pretty much get ready 100% by himself, with about four thousand verbal cues. They generally start about 45" before we have to leave and at a conversation volume and end with me yelling at him to go sit in his room until he has his socks, shoes and jacket on. The time outs create great anxiety for him. He has gotten it into his mind that we will leave without him and gets more and more upset as the time-out progresses, and he doesn't get the point of the time out. I've recently modified his time-outs to lessen his anxiety and help him think about the reason behind the time out.

This modification is largely thanks to the Imagination Movers. (Side Note: I love the Imagination Movers almost as much as Jack does. Im not ashamed either.) They have a song called "Time Out". We were listening to it en route to the zoo last week, and during the 4th playing of "Time Out" a new idea came to me. What if I burned this song for him to play during time outs in his room. His first question when we give a time out to him is "When can I get out?", playing this song would alleviate that question. But I still wanted to have him think about the reason he was in the time out, or a solution to the problem. I thought I'd give him a note pad and have him draw a picture to discuss after the time out.

It was awhile until I was able to try it, but...it worked. He listened to the entire song (a perfect 2 minutes and thirty seconds), drew a picture of the Imagination Movers brain. When he came out with picture in hand we were able to discuss his picture and the reason for the time out and a solution. It worked so well that about twenty minutes later I heard he and Maddie playing in their room with the song playing, over and over and over. Im not opposed to giving yourself a time-out.

Back to this morning. One of the logistical solutions that I came up with to get us into the van more smoothly was asking Jack to help Maddie walk to the garage. It is actually pretty cute, he is very demanding and holds her hand and basically pulls her to the garage. All the while he is talking to her in a very motherese way cueing her to step up, down or around things. They are very slow and Maddie falls alot so I have time to pack Noah and myself up and get out the door. So pretty much all I have to do is send them outside with the instructions to go to the car and poof Im down to one kid!!

This morning I did just that and Jack gave up about half way to the garage. He started playing in the yard and abandoned Maddie on the sidewalk. When left alone near ice or snow she is very nervous and cautious about moving. So I found her crying (sobbing) and terrified to move. There is no snow at all on our sidewalk so there was no reason for the drama, but I think she has learned that the sidewalk isn't a safe place to walk and Im guessing it will be July until she learns the snow is gone. So I walked hand in hand with Maddie to the garage. I always wander where kids learn things or if kids just have set of kid-things to do. She began jumping over all the cracks in the sidewalk. Walking up to the crack, lining up both feet on the edge and with great concentration jumping over the crack. She included a very loud grunt with each jump, which was cute because by the time she recovered from the grunt it was time to jump again and so she had to pause and ready herself for the next jump.

I remember doing this as a kid, as Im sure everyone does. But it just struck me that such a simple pleasure doing such a normal everyday could be so much fun when given the attention. I could have gotten frusterated with Jack for ditching his sister and asked him to stop playing to help her our. However it is a nice reminder that even with all the planning and precautions I try to take, letting things happen on their own can provide a warm memory to keep.

Friday, March 5, 2010

New Lessons

Maddie taught me a lesson today.

I have a hard time letting go of my kids. I try to take on the majority of the responsibility for taking care of them and feel that incessant mommy guilt when others step into help. The reality of it is that I have a hard time recovering from the break. I also don't do transitions well. Once I've taken a break or have done my own thing for awhile, becoming Mommy again is a difficult mind shift. It goes the other way too. The afternoons I have to go to work, it takes me awhile to settle into work-mode. So today when we arrived at an indoor play place only to find it PACKED (on a Friday morning)....I had a hard time letting them go and a hard time transitioning from just the four of us singing in the van to loads of kids (that aren't mine) running crazily indoors.

I've been slowly getting back to the regular outings we always did before Noah was here. We usually leave the house at least once a day (this was a goal of mine to help stave off cabin fever). Jack generally asks in the mornings where we are going that particular day. I also find that I am not at good at playing with the kids when Im at home. I am too easily distracted my housework and chores. I can play much better when were out and away from laundry, dishes and such. I've been checking off the regular places we go, working from the most contained to the least. We have the routines for each trip down pat. From what we wear, to what kinds of snacks to bring, to the timing of the trip...we've got it. Now that Noah is with us, things have changed a bit (i.e. nursing an infant in public while trying to keep an eye line on a 2 and 4-year old). Thank you Auntie Kelsey for the hippie wrap that has saved my life. I started my solo-ventures with a visit to a community center open gym. It went well. I put Noah in my sling and chased the kids. Open Gym...contained, one scannable room, fairly uncrowded. CHECK!! I got practice at the Zoo, shopping and the Children's Museum. The one that made me most uncomfortable was going to an indoor play ground.

Jack is cool on his own at places like this. He can climb up and down, figure out his way around, meet other kids and find me if he needs help. Maddie is just a little too small to get around on her own, frequently gets stuck and pretty much just wanders the whole time with no rhyme or reason. She and I usually play together in the huge structures (even while I was pregnant). I remeber that I always wanted my parents to come and play with me at these places and have always vowed to be the parent that plays with their kids. Plus its a good workout. But now with Noah here it is impossible to climb up and up and up and then slide and do all the fun things a playground requires. So today was going to be the day that Maddie was going to go it alone. I figured Jack could help out should she get stuck, and since it was a weekday morning the place shouldn't be busy so I could yell to her. Even if worse came to worse I could leave Noah in the stroller and go help her out.

I should have known by the severe number of minivans in the parking lot that this wasn't going to be a good day to go. But I had a free pass and a packed lunch and the kids were ready to play. So we went in and saw KIDS EVERYWHERE. Seriously...it was a no school day. Jackets and Boots in a locker, I had to wait a good three minutes before I could even go near the playground. It was chaos, huge loud noisy chaos. The minute we went in Jack and Maddie disappeared. I tried to keep an eye on Maddie and very quickly lost sight of her. With so many people around there would be no way of knowing if she were okay or needed my help. Anxiety building, I had to quickly resolve myself to trusting her and giving her freedom to explore on her own.

I probably sound like a very overprotective parent. That I am not. I try to be a distant supervisor and let natural consequences teach lessons. But I do not like crowds and I usually have the luxury of visiting places during off-peak hours so know what it is like to have places almost to ourselves, and I love it!!!!!

She did great. I would catch sight of her every few minutes. I don't think she climbed very high, just traced the same path through the playground over and over. She would come and find me, check in and then go off running again. It was very sweet. At one point she returned to me with a huge piece of candy in her hair and another time I found her and she had decided to take off (and leave behind) her socks and was running around barefoot. But she LOVED it, in fact her laughter was how I spotted her a few times.

When we left she was exhausted, as we all were. And even with her new found freedom and independence at the indoor play place, she still asked to hold my hand as we walked in the house.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Thud!

This was the sound we woke up to this morning. THUD! And then a cry. Jacks cry. Jacks "I'm hurt" cry.

Visions of a broken arm flashed across my mind and I shrugged my shoulders and thought "it was only a matter of time". No broken bones this morning. He had been in Maddies crib, "showing her my owies", and fell out en route back to his bed.

But a bite on Maddies arm a little later cost him ALL of his Imagination Movers gear. This was a big deal. He worked all morning to get his stuff back, with reminders from me and his auntie.

Mostly a typical day for us. Visit to the zoo, nap with Noah, a movie, dinner and baths.

I didn't have much to write today, which just might be a good thing. Then Jack picked me to rock him before bed.

Maddie was still awake and joined in the rocking chair ritual. She stood in her crib and reached out to feel my hair. I sung a few of our favorites and then tucked each in bed.

Nothing too frilly, nothing too fancy...but a tender moment all the same.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Truth.

Lying. Interesting how a person begins to understand the art of the lie. Noah doesn't have the capacity to lie...yet.

Maddies lies consisted of avoiding confirming our suspicions of having a dirty diaper. Her lack of a verbal response was totally blown by her facial expression!!! Cute lying. Totally cute lying. She then progressed to the turn-and-run or the smile-tilt-the-head-so-super-cute forms of avoidant lying. Now she has gotten to the straight up "NOPE" response to our inquiries or the worst The Evil Eye. I believe The Evil Eye serves to buy her time to come up with another out....or to get distracted by something else. I should say too that in all cuteness (and from a place of motherly love), Maddie has a lazy eye. Depending on how lazy it is being at the time she can look devilishly cute and doe-eyed or truly totally evil.

Jack didn't really care to lie until he was about three and a half. This is when he began to really plan ahead and foresee consequences. Usually I would hear an "Oops" and he would straight up tell me that he had sprayed the basement with a whole warehouse size can of lysol or punched yet another hole in the wall in his room. That was okay, then he read about Pinocchio. When attempting to lie to us he would follow his statement by asking if his nose was growing. He then was able to generalize this to our conversations to see if we were teasing him. He would ask if our noses were growing....or better yet take a really good look at our faces.

Today we added another type of lie. Jack and I had a grocery shopping date. We had a successful trip, he was being a great helper and building towers in the cart out of the groceries. When I began to bag the groceries I noticed a package of gum that I hadn't put in the cart. I asked Jack about this and he told me he hadn't put the package in the cart either. I told him that I believed him and continued to bag the groceries. Another minute later he came to me and said "I guess I did put the gum in the cart...is my nose growing?" This is a parenting dilemma. Do I scold him for putting the gum in the cart without telling me then lying, or do I tell him that I'm glad he told the truth?

Combo.

"Jack you need to ask before you put things into the cart, that was sneaky. I'm glad you told me the truth, but I wished you would have told me the truth right away. I'll have to keep reminding you of the rules until you are able to remind yourself". Its so hard to really put a lot of weight and consequence into these little lies. But I have my eyes on the teenage years when there is most certainly going to be all types of lying attempts.

I think what I really am trying to do is make sure that these kiddos know that their parent base is strong, stable and consistent and that the truth is valued very highly.

That's if I can keep a straight face during the tilt-the-head Pinocchio nose phase first.