Right Time, Right Place

i'm not sure really how to write about this topic. But it's something I've been thinking about for some time. It's how a first born child in a family gets a unique position within their family. They get their parents fresh. Good or bad. I think that we all start out heeding the rules, most of them anyway. Be ware of germs, sleep schedules, go to the doctor for reassurance, scour baby websites and message boards. How do you parent this child!?!? First born children get unlimited 1:1 or 1:2 attention all the time, they are in the spotlight. As they should be. So that becomes their norm.

Then baby 2 and 3 come and you have settled into your style and adding another does come with challenges but you've got the basics down. You have momentum going and stopping is really not an option. Getting used to a new personality is a cake walk. You wonder what was all the worry for in the first place?

Here is the dilemma. The firstborn demands the spotlight, as it is their norm. Is this first born status, or personality? Both? Nature vs. Nurture? How do you start to divert and divide your attention and maintain your momentum? How can you find that balance?

In our case, Jack is the eldest and demands a lot of family attention. His personality and energy change the dynamics of the entire house at anytime. Just watch how the household energy changes the minute he walks in from school. I've done a lot of thinking is his first born syndrome or his mega personality? Both? But more so...how do we allow him to be himself while not allowing his big persona to distract us from the others in the family?

I feel guilty that he did everything as early as he could...dance class, ecfe, judo, summer camp. And now the logistics of our family of 5 are preventing Maddie and Noah from getting to those things when Jack did.

It feels sometimes like it could look like favoritism which it is not...but I need to keep tabs on it because my heart would break if any of the kids ever felt his way.

I recognize that Jacks requests for attention are loud and in-your-face. They can overshadow those requests from Madeline and Noah. Everything he does he gets to do first and it is fresh and new for everyone.

I'm not so sure there is any one answer. I'm guessing most parents think about this in some regard or another.

There are a few bottom lines here I think.

I have to do the best I can to maintain awareness of the potential for uneven distribution of attention and make special efforts to give 1:1 time to the two little kids. Also I think that I simply have to trust they they were born into this family at the right place and time for them.