Pretty as a picture

I want to take a blog moment and reflect on just why I do this, blogging. I have gotten a few very kind and meaningful compliments from folks who have read my entries. It was SO reassuring and motivating for me to continue to write my experiences with my children. Initially I started keeping a blog when Jack was born to document his life, however only kept up with it for 6 months or so. Once Noah was born I stumbled on it again and realized I had no idea who the hell was writing that stuff. It all seemed so trite and perfect and cutesy and cookie-cutter, and I'm none of those things. I began to read docce.com and fell in love with her brutal honesty and take on being a parent, and decided to give it another go.

I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.

It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.

Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.

I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.