Take Advantage

Today I got a nice reminder of how much of my kids lives I dont know about, and how little effort it takes for me to know. Specifically I'm talking about Jack (told you there would be many posts on him). He had his 4-year old check up today. It was scheduled during naptime and I had the opportunity to take him alone while John stayed at home with the two little kids. I try to get the kids one to one whenever I can and really take advantage of the time together. This is hard to do. Usually it is wrapped up in a task, or an errand. But I have to take what I can, so today a trip to the doctor turned into a date.

After about 10 minutes of convincing Jack that this appointment would not involve any shots, he agreed to go, only if he could "sit in Joey's chair". We do preschool pick-up twice a week and keep his friends car seat in the van. Joey recently switched to a car seat where you use the van seat belt vs. the 5-point harness. This is a big deal. Really. A big deal. He'd been using Joey's seat for every ride since the switch, so it was an easy request to fulfill.

En route to the doctors office was a quiet ride. Jack was looking out the window. As I glanced back to him, I wished that I could hear his internal monologue. Is it busy? Loud? Full of questions? Labeling what he is seeing? Just to be a fly on the wall of his head would be cool.

Not too long thereafter, about half way through the ride he stated to me, "I've had a lot of birthdays". He does a lot of comparing these days to "when I was 3" or "when I was a baby", to see just how much he's grown. The transition between 3 and 4 was significant and abrupt. On the morning of his 4th birthday he promptly went through all of his underware and gave all of the 3T sizes to his little brother, because now only the 4T's would fit. To this day he still checks the tag on his clothes and will only wear ones labeled 4T. He was looking at one of John's t-shirt tags this morning and asked where the "22" was. He believes that John is 22 and I'm 17, so obviously we wear those sizes too!!!

In the van, we started talking about his 4th birthday party and the things each of us remember. The cake, his family, the gifts, what he wore. When he said that he could count all 4 birthdays I had a flash back to the day he was born. As I held him for the first time I spontaneously starting singing "Happy Birthday" to him and was soon joined in with the labor team. So technically I could count five birthdays, but I just smiled and kept this one to myself for now.

Once we arrived in the waiting room the receptionist handed us a questionaire to fill out prior to meeting with the doctor. I asked Jack the questions and had him give me the answer. I was suuprised at the ones he knew the answer to. However, I was even more happy at the ones he didn't know. I had the time and the ability to devote my attention to him to tell him the answer or help him figure it out. This questionaire turned into a great conversation and teaching moment. I think the best part of it for today was that it didn't feel forced or planned. It felt like a solid interaction with my boy. This conversation continued as we waited in the clinic room for the doctor. The nurse had given him a sheet with his current stats and a developmental summary. I read the sheet aloud to him and asked questions about his motor skills, rules, cooperation, safety and play. I was amazed at his answers. He told me of his friends (Charlie, Joey and Lawson), his dreams (the Imagination Movers), his favorite toys (puzzles) and then some (how he pretended to jump into a puddle of chocolate today at tumbling class). He asked questions and listened to my answers. We made eye contact, sat close together...he even volunteered several kisses. All while waiting for the doctor.

The check-up was good, he is a healthy and happy boy. No shots this time around, as promised. Best of all, the visit was capped with an orange sucker for the ride home. I wasn't sure that this small time of concentrated one to one interaction meant as much to him as it did me. Until he said to me from Joey's seat in the back of the van, in-between pulls from the orange sucker, "Mom, I like having dates with you".

Happy Birthday little man, Happy Birthday.