Matchy Matchy

I've caught glimpses of Maddie and Jack playing well together, getting along, caring for one another, taking turns, being kind and nice to one another. Thank goodness that this is starting to happen more and more frequently. I went into being a parent of more than one child with a clear understanding that I wanted my children to be close. This is very important to me. I've talked in the past about how we choose our space of our home (small) to basically be in each others personal space. How we choose the spacing of our kids (close) with the hopes that they would be "in to" the same stuff and become playmates and develop a close relationship.

In the last week Madeline and Jack have demonstrated that this is happening. They have started to develop their own games with rules, characters and props. They play "Koo Koo Kangaroo", trains, school or house together. They have started to put on shows and role play games. It is funny to see how concrete their thinking is in regard to roles. Maddie is always the girl role (mom, sister or grandma) and Jack is always the male (dad, brother, grandpa). The male is tough and does "manly" things. Maddie is often caring for her Baby Sue or cooking "Sheppard's Pie" out of sand and dirt. They have places to play that are away from me, so this can be exciting for them and allows them to regulate their own interaction with out mom-moderation. Madeline will follow Jack anywhere..which may or may not be a good thing. This very morning, I came up from the basement to find the backdoor open, as was the garage and the garage door. Jack had gone to retrieve a Frisbee in the neighbors yard and Madeline was doe-eyed excitedly following her big brother outside of their normal boundaries.

I've been patiently waiting for their positive interactions to happen. Watching them interact warms me from the inside out. However fleeting these moments are, they are hopefully the building blocks for a strong sibling relationship that will be supportive and deep.

So they have developed games, roles and routines with one another. I noticed them playing Hi-Ho Cherry-O together the other day, they set-up the game, took turns and cheered each other on before Jack decided that the game was over. Maddie fully supported her brother in this. But there was a moment that they were both sitting on the floor together looking at the game board leaning in to focus and their heads touched. It was a gentle bump of "nuggets" but was potential for an argument. But they just stayed engaged in the game and sort of leaned on each other for a minute during the game. It dissolved all of the "Mom, he is looking at me" claims, ever.

But what is really funny is that they have begun to coordinate their outfits. Madeline's dress phase is still going strong and in the morning when she put on a fancy princess dress Jack went into his room and changed into his "wedding clothes" as he calls it. He wore a suit (including a tie) all day long. They played "Prince and Princess" together all day. The next day they both decided that they wanted to wear Vikings Jerseys and jeans.

I think that this matching is an outward sign of something that is going on deeper inside of both of them. I think it is a clear signal of the bond that they are developing with one another. I hope that they continue to grow together and always find it appropriate to together wear their Prince and Princess outfits, Vikings jerseys or Koo Koo t-shirts.

Eventually we will just have to buy three of everything so Noah can be a part of the fun as well!!

Dress-up

Madeline has hit her dress phase. I knew it would come, and here it is. I anticipated this day, but haven't prepared for it. So we are stuck with 3 super duper dressy dresses (like flower girl dresses) that are in the rotation. I have never gone through a dress phase. I do not like them, I don't have many and plan to keep it that way. I do like to play dress-up, and get dolled up for occasions, and put on costumes for Halloween, but wearing a dress on a regular basis is pretty much out. I avoided dressing Maddie in dresses as a baby or a toddler mostly because they are just logistically lame. They get in the way, get pulled up, don't allow for good movement, etc. I do believe that most girls (and probably a good percentage of boys) go through a dress-phase.

Now, I am in the mind set of picking my battles. Generally if there is no bodily or emotional harm that will come, I choose to let my kids explore and experiment. I could care less that Madeline, after 2 seconds of looking choose to buy boys underwear because it had Elmo on it. Im glad that she can make a decision and stick with it. The superficial stuff just doesn't matter to me, its the life lessons that I try to keep in mind.

Back to the dresses. One of the best parts about this is that I don't care about how long they last or if they are kept clean, so she is free to play, run, jump, get dirty, eat, spill, etc. I think that is my biggest deal with dresses is that they force a certain kind of behavior, "lady-like" behavior. Anyone who really knows me knows that I can act like a lady, but don't want to. More than that I hate feeling constricted and held-back, and I just don't want that for my Madeline Maye. I never want her to feel limited or edited or stoppable.

On the other hand. I want her to be able to recognize that there are times for everything and places for everything. Sometimes you have to behave a certain way, and you have to be able to read others with both objectivity and subjectivity. I also want her to feel beautiful. I tell her every night before I leave her bed room that she is smart, kind, a good listener, wonderful and then I end the series of loving words saying "Madeline Maye...YOU...ARE...BEAUTIFUL".

So she might, for now, feel beautiful wearing her princess dresses and sparkly shoes. Someday it might be wearing her prom dress or wedding dress. I want to lay the foundation now for her to feel beautiful on the inside weather she is dressing up, down or in between.