The Small Things

The last blog post about our morning routine left me with the image of 5 bodies in one full size bed. Two adult sized ones and three kid size ones, in one full size bed. This is one of the reasons that I think our morning cuddle, or wrestle rather, doesn't last more than a minute or two. I just couldn't get that image of us squeezed into that bed out of my mind. It made me reflect on the series of conversations John and I have had about Small Things.

This conversation has played out several times in our lives. First about the size bed to buy. Full size, we reasoned it would promote closeness. I will spill the beans to the world that my strong construction contractor of a husband is a cuddler. No reason for anything bigger.

The Small Things conversation again happened when we were looking for houses. We very intentionally bought a small house. Easier and less time to take care of and clean would leave us more time for our family. Small spaces would force us to be near one another and hopefully interact (I've seen this play out with Maddie and Jack for good and for bad....but relationship building none the less). Cost was a factor of course as well, more money diverted to other things we need. Speaking of things, a small house forces us to think about what is inside it and to purge the house occasionally to keep things manageable.

This has proven to be a good idea thus far. I can imagine arguments over the one TV in the family room, the one computer...and it is true that all three of my kids will share a bedroom in the not so distant future. This was also done intentionally. There have been several nights of Maddie and Jack talking, singing or throwing stuffed animals back and forth to one another in their room, and this has been SO FRUSTRATING when all I want to do is sit my tail on the couch and eat Oreo cookies. I have also occasionally eavesdropped and heard the content of their conversations. Its very sweet and cute and they somehow manage to get along best when I'm not around. Imagine adding Noah into the mix and it is surely a recipe for disrupted sleep, messy room, fights and yelling. But that is part of growing up, and if they have to grow up why not do it together instead of separate rooms on different floors. I'm not crazy enough to think that the three of them will share a room forever. At some point they will each need some space, but the lessons that are learned in this situation are so valuable and simple, and the time to learn them passes so quickly.

The last Small Things conversation that John and I had were the ones where we decided to start having kids, and add to our family. We always said we would "have two and then a conversation". That plan happened, but not as anticipated. Two happened....hooray for Jack, hooray for Maddie. The conversation that followed after the "two" was a little different than we'd imagined. We knew right away that this was totally awesome and that not much would change, as we were already used to being in close quarters with each other....used to keeping things small, manageable, real and meaningful.

Mornings

When you have kids mornings take on quite a different feel. Essentially the kids take the choice of what to do with your morning...scratch that....they kids decide what to do with their morning. I believe this to be the truth in most households with children. I have heard lovely stories of mothers who will rise before their families and start coffee, read the paper, etc.

I've done this once. While I did like it, and can see the appeal, the truth is that I really like to lay in bed as long as I possibly can. They are the first to rise get to start the households day in motion. Jack is an early riser, always has been. There have been mornings where we have been at the grocery store or a 24-hour McDonalds at 5:30am.....seriously. Maddie tends to sleep in a little bit more, and Noah is happy to sleep as long as he has his milk supply available (that would be me).

But it didn't take very long to see that trying to stay in bed to actually rest vs. shout threats from our room, was a losing battle. We have been able to put some structure into the mornings at our house to get a little more shut-eye. Room darkening shades, snacks in bed for the kids, other various bribes. Most recently we have begun setting a timer outside of Jack and Maddies room. This seems to work. Whatever time the big kids wake up they understand that they are to stay in bed until the timer goes off at 7am. This has seemed to work well, most of the time.

They will often come into our room holding the alarm (John's cell phone) telling us it is time to get up. Now, despite the fact that I have been up since 530 with Noah, who has settled into a pattern of nursing and then singing to me....I am able to manage to get a little more rest, or at least move Noah out of the way so I can get some cuddle time with John. What...yes, cuddling with my husband, its like a date.

Some mornings each one trickles into our room one by one. Noah has been with us all night, but Jack sometimes comes in (at his 530 preferred wake time) and cuddles with me and falls back asleep. Maddie, who can exit her crib with stealth silence, will come in generally with the alarm or to announce "Im all done with night night". So then we've got all 5 of us in one bed. Picture that, all five of us in a full size bed. Together. Jack generally is all over Noah. Maddie likes to pretend to hide from....she doesn't get that we are all right there, but we play along anyway. I think poor Noah goes from having mom and dad all to himself to being mangled by a big brother and sister. Poor Noah, he takes all of our chaos so well. I think he just understands he has no other choice. I think he is laughing inside, and now sometimes outside as well.

While this way to start the day only lasts a minute or two until someone needs breakfast, a new diaper, or has been kicked poked or smothered by another. Its a really cool time of day that I didn't appreciate until I stopped fighting it.

Next Post: All the Small things.

Noah, Maddie and Jack-of-All-Trades

I've often found myself knowing a little about a lot of things, and being comfortable in vastly different situations. My parents were mindful about exposing me to many different activities, kinds of people, etc. For this I am thankful. I can change the oil in my car, appreciate an opera, sail a boat and create a website, among other things. This is something that I've always appreciated and dearly loved about John as well. He will go anywhere, and befriend anyone all with a smile on his face.

This became a topic of conversation for us. The night before we went to the cabin for a week with the kids we had the opportunity to take in a live classical music performance. About 1/2 way through the performance, I glanced down at Johns hands. Rough, scraped up, strong...just like him. But there he was enjoying this soft, tender beautiful musical performance. We talked about how we wish that type of balance for our kids as well. I wish for them to be able to love, appreciate and understand sports, music, people, social graces, art, tools, animals, games, trivia, humor, nature, and more. Everything the world has to offer. I want Madeline to be able to change the oil on her car and then turn around and put on a beautiful dress and head out on the town. I want Jack to understand how it feels to really dance and then head outside and fish the afternoon away. I want Noah to appreciate the adventure of a good storybook and then cook an ethnic meal for our family.

I want them to try. Try new things, new looks, new friends, new foods, new experiences. Its okay for Jack to have painted toenails and wear a ring. Its okay for Madeline to play in the dirt and sand, its okay to have Noah wear a pink leopard print fleece sweatshirt (side story: Noah had a very substantial diaper episode at ECFE one night and I had no extra clothes with me. Luckily they have extras at school for such incidents. However the only thing they had that would fit him was this super bright pink leopard print fleece...I did have to remind myself that it was okay). I want them to try and not be afraid. I feel once you have a new experience, not only will it help you when you do that same thing again, but what you've learned will make other new experiences more appealing, easier and familiar, and push you to try more. The question that then comes is, how do I as their parent find the mommy-balance that I need in keeping them close and letting them try?

The truth is that I believe all parents want this for their kids. I need this for myself. I need to be balanced and I am more comfortable being a "Jill-of-all-Trades" than a Master of One. I just hope that they enjoy this varied, multi-colored, roller coaster ride of a growing up experience.