It hit me after my last blog post about efficiency and getting multiple things done at once that there is something missing. It hit me when I was outside playing with my kids and kept searching for something else to do during that time that there is something missing. It hit me when I grabbed my iPhone tonight when I was giving Maddie and Noah a bath there is something missing.
Me. I'm missing. Missing out on those tiny moments with my kids. (Damn you iPhone).
I'm not retracting my two-fers post, as that is simply a part of this part of my life. I have three kids, I help to run a small business, I work part-time, and I have a boat load of things that I need to get accomplished. Efficiency is a way of life. However, it has hit me that it has become normal for me and often when there is only one thing going on it feels as if I'm missing something. So I end up distracting myself, squeezing something else in, where in reality I should choose to engage with the moment I am in.
Becoming aware of this is one thing, but how do I resist the temptation to pick up the backyard when were out there playing, check Facebook or e-mail hourly? That is the question. I believe I need a new mantra, for this is one of two goals I have for myself for the upcoming year. I need to be able to say to myself in that moment when I want to do yet one more thing...don't miss out on this, make a memory, love your kids, take this time. It will come to me. There must be an app for that, right?! :)
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Monday, December 12, 2011
Two-Fer's
I pride myself on being able to be efficient. I like efficiency and I like to think of ways to be more efficient, and multi-task (even though I know that it probably isn't more efficient, it FEELS like it is). Part of feeling efficient is a certain choosing of tasks that need to be accomplished, and then paring down how well they need to be done, and also how picky I can be about stuff (ingredients, matching, dirtiness level of most anything, etc.) So I've gotten really good at the two-fers. Basically its how can I accomplish two things at the same time and get meaning out of it. Over the course of having three kids I've learned that I'd rather have them with me than not. This comes from baggage that I carry with me, I know that it is not normal and can be an issue, Im also not ready to address it or change anything about it. That being said, I work with my baggage. I go for two-fers. How can I benefit both myself and my children? Two-fers. Examples, Madeline takes swim class on monday mornings. Instead of watching her swim class, I swim laps alongside the class. I get to watch her and get a workout in. My work girlfriends are great at this. We had our Christmas get together this weekend. Normally a cookie exchange, not this year! We assembled dinners to freeze, while drinking wine. Putting one of the kids in charge of sorting the recycling or putting the silverware away while I work with them and chat. Two-fers....its a way of life.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Clever
I've always been kind of weirded out by how well and I know my kids, and in at the same time just how long it takes for me to get to know them. With the addition of more children, the time it takes for me to really get to know them (or, notice these said things about them) increases.
Madeline is a lot like me, she can be sweet and kind and then if you piss her off just right she will let you know just where you can go. I've sort of aligned her with me most of the time, we team up girls vs. boys, she is my helper. She's my girl. I've always had an extra special spot for her in my heart and feel extra close to her. Just in the last several months her personality has really started to emerge. She has become very maternal, taking excellent care of those around her. She loves to help and complete tasks she starts. She loves to dance and sing and takes pride in doing things her own way.
The most interesting thing that I've gotten to observe from her recently is that she is very clever. She has a way of solving problems in interesting ways which offer such a nice insight into her emerging personality. I feel that I can be clever at times. However I do have to give proper credit, John is very clever and is able to solve most any problem quickly and creatively. It is very humbling to have your three year old daughter suggest a solution to a problem that you would have likely never considered yourself.
The best example I can give of this is this, she was to go to bed however her over sized puppy had gotten wet due to a leaky sippy cup left in bed. This puppy is very important for sleeping with at night. Both John and I tried to convince her that she shouldn't sleep with this puppy, etc. Suddenly she suggested "why don't we do like this" and flipped him over so the underside (aka the dry side) was up and she proceeded to lay down and settle in for the night. Very simple solution and very clever girl.
I sure hope that this is a sign of more creative, innovative and outside the box thinking that we will see from Madeline...Dr. Madeline, perhaps?
Madeline is a lot like me, she can be sweet and kind and then if you piss her off just right she will let you know just where you can go. I've sort of aligned her with me most of the time, we team up girls vs. boys, she is my helper. She's my girl. I've always had an extra special spot for her in my heart and feel extra close to her. Just in the last several months her personality has really started to emerge. She has become very maternal, taking excellent care of those around her. She loves to help and complete tasks she starts. She loves to dance and sing and takes pride in doing things her own way.
The most interesting thing that I've gotten to observe from her recently is that she is very clever. She has a way of solving problems in interesting ways which offer such a nice insight into her emerging personality. I feel that I can be clever at times. However I do have to give proper credit, John is very clever and is able to solve most any problem quickly and creatively. It is very humbling to have your three year old daughter suggest a solution to a problem that you would have likely never considered yourself.
The best example I can give of this is this, she was to go to bed however her over sized puppy had gotten wet due to a leaky sippy cup left in bed. This puppy is very important for sleeping with at night. Both John and I tried to convince her that she shouldn't sleep with this puppy, etc. Suddenly she suggested "why don't we do like this" and flipped him over so the underside (aka the dry side) was up and she proceeded to lay down and settle in for the night. Very simple solution and very clever girl.
I sure hope that this is a sign of more creative, innovative and outside the box thinking that we will see from Madeline...Dr. Madeline, perhaps?
Monday, November 7, 2011
Holy Monsters.
Monsters have invaded the Linstad household. In the last 36 hours they have completely taken over and terrorized our poor Noah Bug.
In the last few weeks he has started to wake up VERY early and sing, yell or scream until someone comes and gets him. John has a magic word or spell that he uses (which he hasn't shared with me) and is able to either get him back to sleep in his own crib, or cuddle with him on the couch and get him back to sleep. However it happens, he is able to get Noah back to sleep...oh yes, and go back to sleep himself. Awesome.
He will not do this for me no matter what.
So since John has been gone hunting I've been up with Noah. A lot. It reminds me a bit of when they were tiny babies and I was up with them a lot. But this is different. There isn't a promise of an afternoon nap to catch-up the next day. In the past 36 hours 98% of everything Noah has talked about has to do in some way or another with monsters. He woke up at 4am this morning, terrified of the monsters. Knowing he isn't the best at putting himself back to bed, I went and got him and brought him to cuddle with me. He grabbed onto me with the grip of death and would not let go. He truly was scared. He did cuddle with me for awhile in my bed, but it was a wiggly unsettled cuddle and he started bothering Jack (who sleeps in my bed when John is gone). So we got up.
Most of the day was spent talking about monsters and who would do what to them. Daddy will shoot them, Mom will "get" them, Maddie will poke them. Everyone has a job. Despite his early morning and ample time at the Y today, there was no nap for him. So he was completely exhausted by bed. The more tired he got the more critical the monster threat became. He needed sleep so after a refused dinner, it was off to bed. Oh yes. As the kids ate, I whipped together a monster of his own. A stuffed animal which we named Happy Monster. It is a brown polar fleece odd shape with button eyes and yarn mouth, and a beaver like tail. But Happy Monster was immediately accepted and loved.
Bedtime routine as normal, and NOPE. Sleep in Maddies bed, monster spray, sleep with Maddie, add in extra lights, music (classical), tape their bed off with a "No Monsters Ever" sign...NOPE NOPE NOPE!! I send Grandpa Lumpy (one of the many perks of living mere blocks from grandparents) to Trader Joes for Melatonin.
At the moment, Im sitting outside their room "on guard" for monsters. Its been awhile since the last cry...so this battle may be over. Now I just have to deal with Jack Attack who was ever so quietly sitting on the couch as this debachle was going on, eating abundant halloween candy!!!
Monday, October 10, 2011
New Club
The minute Noah was born people started asking when we were going to have another baby. Even in the throes of labor with him I vividly remember the nurse asking if we were interested in permanent birth control during the hospital stay, I remember even hesitating at that moment. I have never felt the "Im done" feeling that friends of mine have described. THIS IS NOT AN ANNOUNCEMENT. It is, a slight observation of how I've been feeling this summer.
It feels like we are on the verge of joining a club. This is not a secret club, but I sure didn't know about it until recently. This is the parents with bigger kids club. This is the club where kids can do a lot of things for themselves, and play with other kids and be okay. This is the less equipment and stuff to tote around club, the we can get in the car in less than 5 minutes club, the things are getting easier club.
On that note, I guess I didn't really have time to notice just how much work it was to have three very young children. (I still do have three very young children, but like I said, we are on the verge of joining a new club). I surely have become accustomed to the work, the volume of laundry and dishes and the permanent organized-mess that is our home. But now that the kids are gaining independence Im starting to have moments where Im not really needed. Moments, as in seconds.
This really came into perspective this summer. We had the wonderful opportunity to go to family camp this summer. It was so super duper great and I enjoyed being up there with my family. It was at this camp where I had the chance to observe other families with older kids and the mobility, freedom and moments each of them had. This summer I had the chance to compare the same activities we did as the previous summer, beach, pool, playgrounds. I was able to get in there and play like I wanted to with all three kids. That is the real gift.
It feels like we are on the verge of joining a club. This is not a secret club, but I sure didn't know about it until recently. This is the parents with bigger kids club. This is the club where kids can do a lot of things for themselves, and play with other kids and be okay. This is the less equipment and stuff to tote around club, the we can get in the car in less than 5 minutes club, the things are getting easier club.
On that note, I guess I didn't really have time to notice just how much work it was to have three very young children. (I still do have three very young children, but like I said, we are on the verge of joining a new club). I surely have become accustomed to the work, the volume of laundry and dishes and the permanent organized-mess that is our home. But now that the kids are gaining independence Im starting to have moments where Im not really needed. Moments, as in seconds.
This really came into perspective this summer. We had the wonderful opportunity to go to family camp this summer. It was so super duper great and I enjoyed being up there with my family. It was at this camp where I had the chance to observe other families with older kids and the mobility, freedom and moments each of them had. This summer I had the chance to compare the same activities we did as the previous summer, beach, pool, playgrounds. I was able to get in there and play like I wanted to with all three kids. That is the real gift.
Monday, August 1, 2011
A change.
Today marks the first day of the last week of pre-kindergarten for Jack. This program as a whole has been marvelous for him and us as well. It marked a lot of firsts for us and helped to usher in a new and prominent fixture for our lives as a family, school. Madeline also had her first day at Vacation Bible School, which she adored and was very excited about as well. It also marks the day that I became a shuttle. We got Jack on the bus to school, got Maddie to VBS, went to the YMCA with just me and Noah, picked Jack up at home, went to pick up Maddie and then stopped by the community center for lunch. Koo Koo Kangaroo had it right, we really are rollin' in the minivan.
It made me reflect that in just a few short weeks, Jack will begin full-time Kindergarten and Madeline will start preschool 2 days per week. How fantastic. I'm not as sad about it as I thought I might be. I'm very excited for them and their new adventures. I'm looking forward to time alone with the Bug. But more than my feelings, are the LOGISTICS!!
This change that is coming in a few weeks will wreak havoc on the one thing that I have come to depend on and crave and have refused to let go of....nap time.
My kids all nap. I really haven't given them the choice not to nap. I nap, and I love it. I try to be the uber productive mom getting the things done while the kids sleep. But it always bites me in the ass, because here is the deal. I love naps. Even if I get 20 minutes of rest and then get to watch a crappy reality TV show alone, I feel much better. Laundry, and dishes be dammed. I'm getting my nap on!!
But this will likely all go down the tubes here in a few short weeks. It really is okay. I will miss them, but will probably be too busy being the Linstad Shuttle Service to notice...and I can totally drive through for coffee a little more often, right?
It made me reflect that in just a few short weeks, Jack will begin full-time Kindergarten and Madeline will start preschool 2 days per week. How fantastic. I'm not as sad about it as I thought I might be. I'm very excited for them and their new adventures. I'm looking forward to time alone with the Bug. But more than my feelings, are the LOGISTICS!!
This change that is coming in a few weeks will wreak havoc on the one thing that I have come to depend on and crave and have refused to let go of....nap time.
My kids all nap. I really haven't given them the choice not to nap. I nap, and I love it. I try to be the uber productive mom getting the things done while the kids sleep. But it always bites me in the ass, because here is the deal. I love naps. Even if I get 20 minutes of rest and then get to watch a crappy reality TV show alone, I feel much better. Laundry, and dishes be dammed. I'm getting my nap on!!
But this will likely all go down the tubes here in a few short weeks. It really is okay. I will miss them, but will probably be too busy being the Linstad Shuttle Service to notice...and I can totally drive through for coffee a little more often, right?
Friday, June 3, 2011
Hard to be...
I had to have a heart to heart with Jack last night.
He has been very curious and energetic and destructively loud lately. We've worked to curb his energy, but he is my son. Therefore he is strong willed, independent and will figure out a way to do what he wants to do regardless of what I say. I have known this about him for quite some time and I give him a lot of leeway to figure things out on his own. My mom did this for me and I am appreciative of it. I learned to think for myself and stand on my own two feet very early. I appreciate that I got this experience at an early age where the consequences were not severe, so that when the stakes were high I knew how to handle myself.
But he has been nasty. Simply nasty, and hurtful to us.
So last night he and I were rounding out our evening, catching up on a little Thomas the tank engine on TV. I told him "Jack I love you like crazy, but it is sometimes very hard to be your mom". I went on to tell him that sometimes I just dont know how to help teach him to cooperate and behave, and that sometimes I feel so angry at him for the things he does. I asked for his help to figure this out.
He was sad. He curled into a little ball and cuddled even closer. He told me "Im sorry, mom". I wanted to take it all back and tell him that he is the best boy ever, and perfect and smart and awesome. But I knew he and I had to sit with this for awhile. So instead I waited until bed and then went through the series of sentences we say sometimes at bedtime. I say the first part and he fills in the rest.
I love you all the... time
I love you no matter... what
In everything that we do together, or thing he does on his own, if he knows those two things I think I've done my job (even on the rough days).
He has been very curious and energetic and destructively loud lately. We've worked to curb his energy, but he is my son. Therefore he is strong willed, independent and will figure out a way to do what he wants to do regardless of what I say. I have known this about him for quite some time and I give him a lot of leeway to figure things out on his own. My mom did this for me and I am appreciative of it. I learned to think for myself and stand on my own two feet very early. I appreciate that I got this experience at an early age where the consequences were not severe, so that when the stakes were high I knew how to handle myself.
But he has been nasty. Simply nasty, and hurtful to us.
So last night he and I were rounding out our evening, catching up on a little Thomas the tank engine on TV. I told him "Jack I love you like crazy, but it is sometimes very hard to be your mom". I went on to tell him that sometimes I just dont know how to help teach him to cooperate and behave, and that sometimes I feel so angry at him for the things he does. I asked for his help to figure this out.
He was sad. He curled into a little ball and cuddled even closer. He told me "Im sorry, mom". I wanted to take it all back and tell him that he is the best boy ever, and perfect and smart and awesome. But I knew he and I had to sit with this for awhile. So instead I waited until bed and then went through the series of sentences we say sometimes at bedtime. I say the first part and he fills in the rest.
I love you all the... time
I love you no matter... what
In everything that we do together, or thing he does on his own, if he knows those two things I think I've done my job (even on the rough days).
Saturday, May 21, 2011
All in a Name
I always cringed when people would address their significant others as "mom" or "dad". It seemed silly and kind of gross. I recall making a mental note to be mindful not to do this with John. He, after all, isn't my dad. Then we had kids. His nickname didn't change overnight, there was still the usual "babe" or "honey", etc. but there was the occasional "dad" sprinkled in there. I still cringed when I said it and didn't like it.
But then I remember spending a Christmas, as we normally do, with family. I recall observing the group for quite some time and noticing that the family was all doing something similar. Each and every one of them was addressing one another in the way a child would. Auntie Jackie is always Auntie Jackie, unless she is being addressed as "Nina" (for being a grandmother). Uncle Doug is always Uncle Doug. Uncle Matt is usually Uncle Matt, unless you are at a Wild game with him and he is trying to look cool for the ladies. Their relationships with children now define their title and how they present themselves to a good percentage of people in their life.
I realized that my family generally does this as well. Wes is now, "Grandpa Wes", my mom is now "Numna", and my sister is "Auntie", even some non-blood relatives have adopted these names of endearment and utilize them with pride, even when the kids are not around.
How spectacular is this? For a family member to appreciate, honor and respect the children around them that they change the way they are addressed by all. I can see no better term that to be called "mom", and in fact I will take it from anyone who wishes, even my husband, even if it is a little weird. It is the most important title I have and I will wear it out.
But then I remember spending a Christmas, as we normally do, with family. I recall observing the group for quite some time and noticing that the family was all doing something similar. Each and every one of them was addressing one another in the way a child would. Auntie Jackie is always Auntie Jackie, unless she is being addressed as "Nina" (for being a grandmother). Uncle Doug is always Uncle Doug. Uncle Matt is usually Uncle Matt, unless you are at a Wild game with him and he is trying to look cool for the ladies. Their relationships with children now define their title and how they present themselves to a good percentage of people in their life.
I realized that my family generally does this as well. Wes is now, "Grandpa Wes", my mom is now "Numna", and my sister is "Auntie", even some non-blood relatives have adopted these names of endearment and utilize them with pride, even when the kids are not around.
How spectacular is this? For a family member to appreciate, honor and respect the children around them that they change the way they are addressed by all. I can see no better term that to be called "mom", and in fact I will take it from anyone who wishes, even my husband, even if it is a little weird. It is the most important title I have and I will wear it out.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Get Back
Okay. I need to get back to this writing. I miss it and I need to take the Recreation Therapist advise I'm offering to myself to make time for leisure. So I am.
I have been thinking about how lucky we are to have friends with kids who have been able to share their clothes with us, pass along a box of toys, books. Gently used. That really is nice. Very nice and I'm so appreciative of this.
However, there is no way in hell that I would ever be able to return not only their stuff, but pay it forward. I've finally come to terms with the fact that my family make GREAT end-users. That is just how it is.
I've never been able to put much stock into my stuff, the things that I have. First because I tend not to take the best care of my stuff, I'm being honest here. I don't separate whites from dark clothes, or pre-treat stains, etc. I rarely buy something new, preferring to spend my dollars at Savers or the Goodwill instead. I think it is a two way street. After all it is just stuff, and we have PLENTY of it. I was never one to research supplies for my kids, brands, styles. We usually bought what we liked and went from there. Making what we had work for us, rather than working for the thing we need.
RANT.
It took me some time to get to this point. I wish that I was awesome and could pass along baby clothes to my friends having kids. I would love to pay it forward, and they are all welcome to the things that have arrived at our house used and gone through three busy kiddos, but I just cant do that in good conscience. So I've decided that at least for now, we will be proud end-users. Making sure that these things will get the most use possible before being re-donated, recycled or (gasp) demolished and put in the garbage.
If nothing else, I'm spending my time where for me it counts. Engaged with others, as much as I can be. That to me is worth a trip to the Goodwill any day!!
I have been thinking about how lucky we are to have friends with kids who have been able to share their clothes with us, pass along a box of toys, books. Gently used. That really is nice. Very nice and I'm so appreciative of this.
However, there is no way in hell that I would ever be able to return not only their stuff, but pay it forward. I've finally come to terms with the fact that my family make GREAT end-users. That is just how it is.
I've never been able to put much stock into my stuff, the things that I have. First because I tend not to take the best care of my stuff, I'm being honest here. I don't separate whites from dark clothes, or pre-treat stains, etc. I rarely buy something new, preferring to spend my dollars at Savers or the Goodwill instead. I think it is a two way street. After all it is just stuff, and we have PLENTY of it. I was never one to research supplies for my kids, brands, styles. We usually bought what we liked and went from there. Making what we had work for us, rather than working for the thing we need.
RANT.
It took me some time to get to this point. I wish that I was awesome and could pass along baby clothes to my friends having kids. I would love to pay it forward, and they are all welcome to the things that have arrived at our house used and gone through three busy kiddos, but I just cant do that in good conscience. So I've decided that at least for now, we will be proud end-users. Making sure that these things will get the most use possible before being re-donated, recycled or (gasp) demolished and put in the garbage.
If nothing else, I'm spending my time where for me it counts. Engaged with others, as much as I can be. That to me is worth a trip to the Goodwill any day!!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Hole In The Floor
I think I've talked about our house in past blogs. We purposefully bought a small house for a lot of reasons besides financial. We wanted to basically be in one another faces for good and bad so we had to learn to live with each other. I remember taking a sociology of family class in college and taking away that nugget of information. So small house, but also old house. 1932. There have been several owners that have done various degrees of terrible things to "update" our home. To a contractor it is an endless list of repairs.
One of the things that never has managed to get crossed off the list is this small hole in the kitchen floor. I'm not really even embarrassed about it because of the endless hours of entertainment this said floor-hole has provided. Seriously.
We have wood floors and they were installed poorly and over time a hole wore in one of the boards in between the kitchen and the living room (aka Big Room). We used to have a chunk of wood that fit it, which was lovingly duct taped from the basement by the previous owners.
Jack was the first one whose curiosity was peaked by this. He would throw anything down this hole and look and listen for it to hit the floor (or duct work) below. It was apparently HILARIOUS. It actually was hilarious to watch him. Sometimes he would be looking for something and would need to check the basement and would lay flat on his stomach with his little eye peeking down into the basement. It was really fun when he could burn some energy by throwing something down and running to the basement and back to retrieve the toy and do it again.
Of course the fascination wore off, but induced fascination with Madeline and now Noah. It has seemed to appeal more to the boys than Maddie. John is tall enough to reach up through the floor and start a whole other set of floor-ceiling games.
I always liked going into the basement and calling to the kids from below the floor hole until they peeked down. You can see how big they are smiling by the part of their eye you can see from below.
Who would have thought that something which might provoke embarrassment from some would turn into something I don't want to fix. Thanks small old house from both a sociology standpoint, but from a simple entertainment standpoint as well.
One of the things that never has managed to get crossed off the list is this small hole in the kitchen floor. I'm not really even embarrassed about it because of the endless hours of entertainment this said floor-hole has provided. Seriously.
We have wood floors and they were installed poorly and over time a hole wore in one of the boards in between the kitchen and the living room (aka Big Room). We used to have a chunk of wood that fit it, which was lovingly duct taped from the basement by the previous owners.
Jack was the first one whose curiosity was peaked by this. He would throw anything down this hole and look and listen for it to hit the floor (or duct work) below. It was apparently HILARIOUS. It actually was hilarious to watch him. Sometimes he would be looking for something and would need to check the basement and would lay flat on his stomach with his little eye peeking down into the basement. It was really fun when he could burn some energy by throwing something down and running to the basement and back to retrieve the toy and do it again.
Of course the fascination wore off, but induced fascination with Madeline and now Noah. It has seemed to appeal more to the boys than Maddie. John is tall enough to reach up through the floor and start a whole other set of floor-ceiling games.
I always liked going into the basement and calling to the kids from below the floor hole until they peeked down. You can see how big they are smiling by the part of their eye you can see from below.
Who would have thought that something which might provoke embarrassment from some would turn into something I don't want to fix. Thanks small old house from both a sociology standpoint, but from a simple entertainment standpoint as well.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Right Time, Right Place
i'm not sure really how to write about this topic. But it's something I've been thinking about for some time. It's how a first born child in a family gets a unique position within their family. They get their parents fresh. Good or bad. I think that we all start out heeding the rules, most of them anyway. Be ware of germs, sleep schedules, go to the doctor for reassurance, scour baby websites and message boards. How do you parent this child!?!? First born children get unlimited 1:1 or 1:2 attention all the time, they are in the spotlight. As they should be. So that becomes their norm.
Then baby 2 and 3 come and you have settled into your style and adding another does come with challenges but you've got the basics down. You have momentum going and stopping is really not an option. Getting used to a new personality is a cake walk. You wonder what was all the worry for in the first place?
Here is the dilemma. The firstborn demands the spotlight, as it is their norm. Is this first born status, or personality? Both? Nature vs. Nurture? How do you start to divert and divide your attention and maintain your momentum? How can you find that balance?
In our case, Jack is the eldest and demands a lot of family attention. His personality and energy change the dynamics of the entire house at anytime. Just watch how the household energy changes the minute he walks in from school. I've done a lot of thinking is his first born syndrome or his mega personality? Both? But more so...how do we allow him to be himself while not allowing his big persona to distract us from the others in the family?
I feel guilty that he did everything as early as he could...dance class, ecfe, judo, summer camp. And now the logistics of our family of 5 are preventing Maddie and Noah from getting to those things when Jack did.
It feels sometimes like it could look like favoritism which it is not...but I need to keep tabs on it because my heart would break if any of the kids ever felt his way.
I recognize that Jacks requests for attention are loud and in-your-face. They can overshadow those requests from Madeline and Noah. Everything he does he gets to do first and it is fresh and new for everyone.
I'm not so sure there is any one answer. I'm guessing most parents think about this in some regard or another.
There are a few bottom lines here I think.
I have to do the best I can to maintain awareness of the potential for uneven distribution of attention and make special efforts to give 1:1 time to the two little kids. Also I think that I simply have to trust they they were born into this family at the right place and time for them.
Then baby 2 and 3 come and you have settled into your style and adding another does come with challenges but you've got the basics down. You have momentum going and stopping is really not an option. Getting used to a new personality is a cake walk. You wonder what was all the worry for in the first place?
Here is the dilemma. The firstborn demands the spotlight, as it is their norm. Is this first born status, or personality? Both? Nature vs. Nurture? How do you start to divert and divide your attention and maintain your momentum? How can you find that balance?
In our case, Jack is the eldest and demands a lot of family attention. His personality and energy change the dynamics of the entire house at anytime. Just watch how the household energy changes the minute he walks in from school. I've done a lot of thinking is his first born syndrome or his mega personality? Both? But more so...how do we allow him to be himself while not allowing his big persona to distract us from the others in the family?
I feel guilty that he did everything as early as he could...dance class, ecfe, judo, summer camp. And now the logistics of our family of 5 are preventing Maddie and Noah from getting to those things when Jack did.
It feels sometimes like it could look like favoritism which it is not...but I need to keep tabs on it because my heart would break if any of the kids ever felt his way.
I recognize that Jacks requests for attention are loud and in-your-face. They can overshadow those requests from Madeline and Noah. Everything he does he gets to do first and it is fresh and new for everyone.
I'm not so sure there is any one answer. I'm guessing most parents think about this in some regard or another.
There are a few bottom lines here I think.
I have to do the best I can to maintain awareness of the potential for uneven distribution of attention and make special efforts to give 1:1 time to the two little kids. Also I think that I simply have to trust they they were born into this family at the right place and time for them.
Monday, January 10, 2011
All about the Koo
We love to party.
I have to say that we are pretty good at it. I always have enjoyed getting together with people, I like parties and dancing. I've practiced this art that is party in various levels and forms as I have grown-up. John can surely hold his own at any party, he has a lot of experience. I believe that our love of a good time has surely passed along to our children, because they love to party.
We hosted an awesome kids/parents dance party yesterday (and had the fantastic Koo Koo Kanga Roo come and entertain us) with 80+ people. It was a blast!! Everyone came and painted their faces, ate cookies and danced the afternoon away. My kids all had special outfits (read: costumes) and enjoyed themselves silly. It was a great joy to look around the room and see kids and their parents laughing, dancing and having a heck of a good time together.
This party started as an idea for Jacks 5th birthday party. It eventually outgrew what I believe to be appropriate for a 5th birthday, so we thought that with Jacks, Johns, and Noah's birthdays, along with our Anniversary, Christmas and New Years all about this time of year...why not lump everything together and PARTY!! This was also coupled with the fact that I believe Koo Koo Kanga Roo to be an exceptional group of fellas...and I wanted to get my dance on in the middle of winter. The fact that this started as Jacks birthday party definitely prevailed during the party, and it ended up being great. Jack dressed up in his standard Koo Koo outfit, however this time we decided he needed his own golden accessory, so we equipped him with a spray painted fanny pack and spray painted some of his old tennies and he was a hit!!
He was in his element. He hung around with the guys from Koo Koo, made the rounds with his friends, devoted a bit of personal attention to one of his loves (Penelope)and spent most of the concert in the very front row. I say he was the life of the party. He thrives and gets energized by being around and interacting with others. He has no fear of speaking with anyone, he demonstrates exceptional manners and LOVES TO DANCE!!!!!!
Madeline enjoyed herself as well. She, of course, wore her costume and golden shoes. She danced, laughed and hung around with her Aunties (both big and little) for most of the party. She took a break to get her face painted and eat more than her fair share of cookies. But she too enjoyed being in this type of atmosphere, I think she may be quite the extrovert as well.
Noah, was Noah. Being a third child of John and myself and having siblings like Jack and Maddie, he essentially has no choice but to put on his party hat and join in. He did enjoy himself and danced, and visited with anyone who wanted to hold him...or give him cookies. He totally partied through his nap!!
It isn't very often that you do something and you are smiling about it the next day, just thinking about your experience. In Recreation Therapy we call this a Cathartic Experience. Yesterday proved to be just that for me. For many reasons, being surrounded by people in my life who were having a genuinely good time with their kids, because I was with my kids having a cathartically good time. But mostly because my kids were having a genuinely good time. And of course, because they confirmed to me that they can get lost in the moment, let go of their inhibitions and PARTY DOWN!!!!
I have to say that we are pretty good at it. I always have enjoyed getting together with people, I like parties and dancing. I've practiced this art that is party in various levels and forms as I have grown-up. John can surely hold his own at any party, he has a lot of experience. I believe that our love of a good time has surely passed along to our children, because they love to party.
We hosted an awesome kids/parents dance party yesterday (and had the fantastic Koo Koo Kanga Roo come and entertain us) with 80+ people. It was a blast!! Everyone came and painted their faces, ate cookies and danced the afternoon away. My kids all had special outfits (read: costumes) and enjoyed themselves silly. It was a great joy to look around the room and see kids and their parents laughing, dancing and having a heck of a good time together.
This party started as an idea for Jacks 5th birthday party. It eventually outgrew what I believe to be appropriate for a 5th birthday, so we thought that with Jacks, Johns, and Noah's birthdays, along with our Anniversary, Christmas and New Years all about this time of year...why not lump everything together and PARTY!! This was also coupled with the fact that I believe Koo Koo Kanga Roo to be an exceptional group of fellas...and I wanted to get my dance on in the middle of winter. The fact that this started as Jacks birthday party definitely prevailed during the party, and it ended up being great. Jack dressed up in his standard Koo Koo outfit, however this time we decided he needed his own golden accessory, so we equipped him with a spray painted fanny pack and spray painted some of his old tennies and he was a hit!!
He was in his element. He hung around with the guys from Koo Koo, made the rounds with his friends, devoted a bit of personal attention to one of his loves (Penelope)and spent most of the concert in the very front row. I say he was the life of the party. He thrives and gets energized by being around and interacting with others. He has no fear of speaking with anyone, he demonstrates exceptional manners and LOVES TO DANCE!!!!!!
Madeline enjoyed herself as well. She, of course, wore her costume and golden shoes. She danced, laughed and hung around with her Aunties (both big and little) for most of the party. She took a break to get her face painted and eat more than her fair share of cookies. But she too enjoyed being in this type of atmosphere, I think she may be quite the extrovert as well.
Noah, was Noah. Being a third child of John and myself and having siblings like Jack and Maddie, he essentially has no choice but to put on his party hat and join in. He did enjoy himself and danced, and visited with anyone who wanted to hold him...or give him cookies. He totally partied through his nap!!
It isn't very often that you do something and you are smiling about it the next day, just thinking about your experience. In Recreation Therapy we call this a Cathartic Experience. Yesterday proved to be just that for me. For many reasons, being surrounded by people in my life who were having a genuinely good time with their kids, because I was with my kids having a cathartically good time. But mostly because my kids were having a genuinely good time. And of course, because they confirmed to me that they can get lost in the moment, let go of their inhibitions and PARTY DOWN!!!!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Glimpse
It has happened a few times, mostly with the boys. I will get a glimpse of what they will be like as grown-ups. It happens in a flash but it always manages to take my breath away. It is more than the way they will look but it is a flash of who they will be when they are older.
I cant really explain how it happens, or why. But I've noticed that it does indeed happen more frequently with my boys than with Madeline. It happened yesterday at the pool with Jack.
We were wading in the water and he looked at me with a very knowing look on his face, and he paused and met my eye for more than a moment. I could see him as a grown-up, perhaps my age. The wisdom, confidence and intelligence that I saw in that glimpse was so assuring. It is very difficult to explain.
The same thing has happened several times with Noah as well. He will just pause and look at me for more than a moment and there is some sort of exchange. I can see him strong, sure and proud, but as an adult.
This glimpse has yet to happen with Madeline. I know that they boys are old souls. They both are wise and know things that they shouldn't know at this age. I've known this about both of them since they were in utero. I know that Maddie is a newer soul. She doesn't come with this deep wisdom and understanding, she does come with an incredible sense of wonder, amazement, curiosity and a fresh set of eyes to the experience around her.
Perhaps I cannot get the glimpses of her because she is already a reflection of me, maybe more of a reflection of me than the boys are. If this is the case then I need to take a lesson from her and stay with her in her moment of curiosity. That is if I dont get distracted by the wise glances from the boys.
I cant really explain how it happens, or why. But I've noticed that it does indeed happen more frequently with my boys than with Madeline. It happened yesterday at the pool with Jack.
We were wading in the water and he looked at me with a very knowing look on his face, and he paused and met my eye for more than a moment. I could see him as a grown-up, perhaps my age. The wisdom, confidence and intelligence that I saw in that glimpse was so assuring. It is very difficult to explain.
The same thing has happened several times with Noah as well. He will just pause and look at me for more than a moment and there is some sort of exchange. I can see him strong, sure and proud, but as an adult.
This glimpse has yet to happen with Madeline. I know that they boys are old souls. They both are wise and know things that they shouldn't know at this age. I've known this about both of them since they were in utero. I know that Maddie is a newer soul. She doesn't come with this deep wisdom and understanding, she does come with an incredible sense of wonder, amazement, curiosity and a fresh set of eyes to the experience around her.
Perhaps I cannot get the glimpses of her because she is already a reflection of me, maybe more of a reflection of me than the boys are. If this is the case then I need to take a lesson from her and stay with her in her moment of curiosity. That is if I dont get distracted by the wise glances from the boys.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Princess Bryan Superhero, Jack-a-lin
I feel that the last few blog have been about costumes. I think that there is a heavy costume phase going through our house at the moment. I cant say that I am at all sad. I've said it before that I will take any excuse to wear a costume. Last night was no exception. I work the afternoons on Sunday (during nap time, which pains me). Once I arrived home Jack and Maddie came downstairs from the playroom, Princess Bryan Superhero was dressed per usual...purple princess dress. She received some early Christmas presents over the weekend from her Auntie and Uncle and she has added a tutu over the dress, and shoes. She received four pair of plastic, pink sparkly dress-up shoes. They have already gotten miles on them.
I need to take a break and tell you that Madeline has a long history with shoes. She comes by this obsession honestly. I am as well in love with shoes and have more pairs than I care to admit. When I was pregnant with her I didn't officially know that she was a girl. But I think my heart knew. I resisted buying her anything girly before she was born, just in case. On the day that I went into labor with her I had the brilliant idea of going to the Mall of America to walk laps. Luckily a girlfriend of mine came along and worked very hard to distract me through the contractions. I remember going into one of the "kiddie boutique" places and finding the most adorable dress and shoes to match. I made Madeline a promise that if she was so kind as to be born...just born....that I would reward her with a pair of shoes. I kept my promise and have actually gone a bit overboard with her in the shoe department. But I do not care, a girl is entitled to shoes and lots of them. They make us happy.
So when she got fancy dress-up shoes for Christmas she was overjoyed. Little did I know she wasn't the only one.
When I came home after work on Sunday they came home and Maddie was dressed as expected, but Jack was also dressed up as well. He donned a tutu, purse and a pair of Madelines new shoes. He also informed me that his name was now "Jack-a-lin". He stayed in character for just a little while after I got home. John told me about the conversation that happened between Jack and Maddie that lead up to the transformation to Jack-a-lin.
Apparently Jack didn't want to go up to the playroom alone and repeatedly asked Maddie if she would come up and play, "trains...puzzles...action guys...fishing...house....school..." Maddie declined all the offers Jack could think of. Until he mentioned "dress-up". She instantly accepted his offer and from the sounds of it were playing together for awhile.
What touches my heart the most about this story, isn't the fact that my children will dress-up however they please, but more that they are becoming more aware of one another and taking eachothers feelings into account. For Jack to compromise and think about what Maddie might like to play to have a playmate was one of the best gifts for me to hear about. Almost as good as a new pair of shoes.
I need to take a break and tell you that Madeline has a long history with shoes. She comes by this obsession honestly. I am as well in love with shoes and have more pairs than I care to admit. When I was pregnant with her I didn't officially know that she was a girl. But I think my heart knew. I resisted buying her anything girly before she was born, just in case. On the day that I went into labor with her I had the brilliant idea of going to the Mall of America to walk laps. Luckily a girlfriend of mine came along and worked very hard to distract me through the contractions. I remember going into one of the "kiddie boutique" places and finding the most adorable dress and shoes to match. I made Madeline a promise that if she was so kind as to be born...just born....that I would reward her with a pair of shoes. I kept my promise and have actually gone a bit overboard with her in the shoe department. But I do not care, a girl is entitled to shoes and lots of them. They make us happy.
So when she got fancy dress-up shoes for Christmas she was overjoyed. Little did I know she wasn't the only one.
When I came home after work on Sunday they came home and Maddie was dressed as expected, but Jack was also dressed up as well. He donned a tutu, purse and a pair of Madelines new shoes. He also informed me that his name was now "Jack-a-lin". He stayed in character for just a little while after I got home. John told me about the conversation that happened between Jack and Maddie that lead up to the transformation to Jack-a-lin.
Apparently Jack didn't want to go up to the playroom alone and repeatedly asked Maddie if she would come up and play, "trains...puzzles...action guys...fishing...house....school..." Maddie declined all the offers Jack could think of. Until he mentioned "dress-up". She instantly accepted his offer and from the sounds of it were playing together for awhile.
What touches my heart the most about this story, isn't the fact that my children will dress-up however they please, but more that they are becoming more aware of one another and taking eachothers feelings into account. For Jack to compromise and think about what Maddie might like to play to have a playmate was one of the best gifts for me to hear about. Almost as good as a new pair of shoes.
Monday, December 13, 2010
She did it.
Madeline cut her damn hair.
I knew that really it was only a matter of time before this would happen. I think that most kids feel the need at one point or another to indulge in a self-haircut. Today was Maddies day.
It seems to me that the days that both John and I are home, VERY little gets done. You would think that these are the days that we are ultra efficient and get lots done, essentially divide and conquor. NOT THE CASE. He throws my routine into a tailspin and the kids get out of their routine. Plus...on the days that he and I are both home we can head back to bed for an extra 15...20...45 minutes. Which probably was the first mistake we made. He slept in until, get this, 8:15am. Then I asked for just a quick 15 minutes to close my eyes. He graciously let this turn into 45 minutes, and when I woke at 9:15 I felt that I was way behind on the things that I like to get done on the weekdays. I have allowed us to fall into a routine, which is helped along with Jacks new school schedule. And I will admit, that it is sort of great. I get things knocked off my to-do list, and have worked in ways to get 1:1 time in with each of the kids.
Today was a no-go. It was a snow day for Jack, and usually the quiet that overtakes the house with him at school was not there. John and I each got some extra shut-eye and once things got moving this morning at the 9:30 (had to make coffee) range, I needed to get moving. Laundry, dishes, pick-up the living room, put lights on the tree, make breakfast, lunch and get dinner in the crockpot, change laundry, check facebook (mandatory), etc.
Madeline has gotten into the habit of helping with laundry, specifically pushing the start buttons. I gave her the chance to come to the basement and help me out, and she opted to stay upstairs in the kitchen. John was busy hanging up lights on the tree.
Then I heard it, John yelled to me "Someone is going to need a haircut". This was just non-specific enough to allow my brain to make up a million scenarios in the time it took me to get upstairs. Gum, peanut butter....oh, shit. She cut her hair. John had her waiting for me at the top of the stairs and all I could muster was "get her away". I was laughing so hard, and seriously she looked so damn cute. But I did NOT want her to know this. After I collected myself I was able to look at her and repair the damange.
Kids always seem to cut their bangs, which she did, but she didn't go all the way to the scalp. She actually ended up with some super cute severe/dramatic bangs, that look kindof artsy.
The life with three kids, and two parents. I guess at least one is always left unsupervised, but lets hope this doesn't happen again.
I knew that really it was only a matter of time before this would happen. I think that most kids feel the need at one point or another to indulge in a self-haircut. Today was Maddies day.
It seems to me that the days that both John and I are home, VERY little gets done. You would think that these are the days that we are ultra efficient and get lots done, essentially divide and conquor. NOT THE CASE. He throws my routine into a tailspin and the kids get out of their routine. Plus...on the days that he and I are both home we can head back to bed for an extra 15...20...45 minutes. Which probably was the first mistake we made. He slept in until, get this, 8:15am. Then I asked for just a quick 15 minutes to close my eyes. He graciously let this turn into 45 minutes, and when I woke at 9:15 I felt that I was way behind on the things that I like to get done on the weekdays. I have allowed us to fall into a routine, which is helped along with Jacks new school schedule. And I will admit, that it is sort of great. I get things knocked off my to-do list, and have worked in ways to get 1:1 time in with each of the kids.
Today was a no-go. It was a snow day for Jack, and usually the quiet that overtakes the house with him at school was not there. John and I each got some extra shut-eye and once things got moving this morning at the 9:30 (had to make coffee) range, I needed to get moving. Laundry, dishes, pick-up the living room, put lights on the tree, make breakfast, lunch and get dinner in the crockpot, change laundry, check facebook (mandatory), etc.
Madeline has gotten into the habit of helping with laundry, specifically pushing the start buttons. I gave her the chance to come to the basement and help me out, and she opted to stay upstairs in the kitchen. John was busy hanging up lights on the tree.
Then I heard it, John yelled to me "Someone is going to need a haircut". This was just non-specific enough to allow my brain to make up a million scenarios in the time it took me to get upstairs. Gum, peanut butter....oh, shit. She cut her hair. John had her waiting for me at the top of the stairs and all I could muster was "get her away". I was laughing so hard, and seriously she looked so damn cute. But I did NOT want her to know this. After I collected myself I was able to look at her and repair the damange.
Kids always seem to cut their bangs, which she did, but she didn't go all the way to the scalp. She actually ended up with some super cute severe/dramatic bangs, that look kindof artsy.
The life with three kids, and two parents. I guess at least one is always left unsupervised, but lets hope this doesn't happen again.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Costumes
I believe that most anything...and I truly mean anything, can be made better by adding a costume. It doesn't always have to be a full on sequins and sparkle costume, but the right outfit can make you feel great and help you to stand out or blend in. I always felt like any formal dance I went to was an opportunity for a new costume, working at summer camp costumes enhanced MANY a campfire and special event weekend, etc. Wearing something special sometimes can make you feel special, help to capture and show off what is going on inside.
Madeline and Jack have the ability and passion to costume, and I'm pretty sure Noah isn't going to get away with just jeans and t-shirt.
From the moment he was able to dress and undress himself Jack liked to change clothes to fit his activity. He has approximately 1 million t-shirts and there is a t-shirt to fit any mood he has. He always has to find the right shirt to the activity or person he is with (often he will change to match what John is wearing), which is really very endearing. I think that this is somewhat normal kid behavior. Jack also went through a phase where he would only wear his Thomas the Tank swim trunks and Thomas the Tank swim shirt. EVERY DAY. This was in the middle of summer and he was playing outside most of the day and that shirt and pair of shorts were FILTHY every day. I remember debating so many times (as I was hand-washing these two things each night in the sink) in my head if this was crazy and I was supporting craziness by cleaning the outfit for him, or if it was normal kid stuff and I should encourage him to wear other things. It always comes back to being very selective on the battles I choose to engage in. Clothes are not one of the battles I'm picking, besides it was really very sweet that he loved Thomas so much he needed to wear him daily, and he was learning to make his own choices.
Madeline Maye has started her costume phase. It started with a pink frilly dress that I found for her to wear to a wedding this summer and it has grown from there. She has a pink and now a purple frilly dress to wear. She asks immediately in the morning if she can put on her purple dress. Her requirements for a dress (I asked her the other day) are that "it twirls". She is willing to show most anyone the amazing twirl of her dress at any time, so feel free to ask away. This purple dress gets so dirty, but luckily for us she is agreeable to putting it into the wash machine every few days. I believe that Santa has planned to bring her two new princess-type dresses, and I fear that they will remain on their hangers as this current purple dress has some sort of magic powers. Maddie has also been experimenting not only with costumes, but new names as well. Generally these days she prefers to be called "Bryan". However once the dress is on she becomes "Princess Bryan" or "Bryan Superhero". And like clock-work if and when she takes the dress off her name changes to "Bryan" or even....Maddie.
I am confident that Noah will have to follow suit (pun not intended) and develop a costuming habit. I cant say that it bothers me in the least, I am always looking for any excuse to pull out my old prom dresses or Tye dye t-shirts and you can be certain that whatever he decides to wear he will have a brother and sister, make that a Thomas the Train and Princess by his side.
Madeline and Jack have the ability and passion to costume, and I'm pretty sure Noah isn't going to get away with just jeans and t-shirt.
From the moment he was able to dress and undress himself Jack liked to change clothes to fit his activity. He has approximately 1 million t-shirts and there is a t-shirt to fit any mood he has. He always has to find the right shirt to the activity or person he is with (often he will change to match what John is wearing), which is really very endearing. I think that this is somewhat normal kid behavior. Jack also went through a phase where he would only wear his Thomas the Tank swim trunks and Thomas the Tank swim shirt. EVERY DAY. This was in the middle of summer and he was playing outside most of the day and that shirt and pair of shorts were FILTHY every day. I remember debating so many times (as I was hand-washing these two things each night in the sink) in my head if this was crazy and I was supporting craziness by cleaning the outfit for him, or if it was normal kid stuff and I should encourage him to wear other things. It always comes back to being very selective on the battles I choose to engage in. Clothes are not one of the battles I'm picking, besides it was really very sweet that he loved Thomas so much he needed to wear him daily, and he was learning to make his own choices.
Madeline Maye has started her costume phase. It started with a pink frilly dress that I found for her to wear to a wedding this summer and it has grown from there. She has a pink and now a purple frilly dress to wear. She asks immediately in the morning if she can put on her purple dress. Her requirements for a dress (I asked her the other day) are that "it twirls". She is willing to show most anyone the amazing twirl of her dress at any time, so feel free to ask away. This purple dress gets so dirty, but luckily for us she is agreeable to putting it into the wash machine every few days. I believe that Santa has planned to bring her two new princess-type dresses, and I fear that they will remain on their hangers as this current purple dress has some sort of magic powers. Maddie has also been experimenting not only with costumes, but new names as well. Generally these days she prefers to be called "Bryan". However once the dress is on she becomes "Princess Bryan" or "Bryan Superhero". And like clock-work if and when she takes the dress off her name changes to "Bryan" or even....Maddie.
I am confident that Noah will have to follow suit (pun not intended) and develop a costuming habit. I cant say that it bothers me in the least, I am always looking for any excuse to pull out my old prom dresses or Tye dye t-shirts and you can be certain that whatever he decides to wear he will have a brother and sister, make that a Thomas the Train and Princess by his side.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Little Bugg
I think it is about time to talk about Noah. "Third babies", I catch myself saying that fairly frequently. He really is an easy going child. Even as I was growing him in utero I sent him messages and talked with him about how he really had no choice, but to fit in and jump into our routine. I remember telling him in the hospital that he was going to have to speak up if and when he needed something. And that he did, and does.
What a lot of people don't know is that Noah had to spend extra time in the hospital after he was born. He started to run a high temperature and they were not able to figure out why. Poor little guy had IV's and blood draws, x-rays and even a spinal tap before he was three days old. The temperature resolved and we were able to take him home. Even though he stayed put in the special care nursery at the hosptial, it gave he and I a lot of time to bond together. I had the opportunity to talk with him and tell him how things were. While this was scary for me, I just knew that he was going to be okay and somehow I felt it too. He looked quite like an old man with a big giant nose when he was born, but he also seemed to have the wisdom of one as well.
I knew from the start that Noah was attached to me differently than the other two were. I believe that they all love their mama (and daddy too), but somehow this was just a little different. To this day, he knows when I get home from work in the evenings (he wakes up demanding food) and seems to prefer if he has an eye-ball on me. I always wanted my kids to be able to separate from me and trust that I would return. The older two aways were able to do this, I think having them in day-care helped to develop this. But since Noah isn't in day-care I was a little worried that with his strong attachment to me and having me around all the time would lead to neediness, and dependence on me. Not Noah.
I am able to volunteer at an ECFE class on thursday nights and actually stay in his classroom with him during the class. I tried to ignore him as best I could and play with other kids. It was so interesting to watch him watch me playing with other children. At first he needed to be around me and with me at all times and cried when we separated. However now, with a little help from the BRILLIANT ecfe teacher, he is content to play and scan the room every now and again to check-up on me.
Noah has learned to fend for himself, and this is great, because sometimes I just cant get to him right away. I remember the day that we all woke-up super early and I was trying to make coffee, get the big kids fed, probably get a load of laundry in, etc. I finally realized that I hadn't even changed poor Noahs over-night diaper and began to look for him. He was content, and I knew he had been played with by big brother and big sister as they had colored on him with marker. He had also found his own breakfast of something (edible) that was discarded under the couch. I still dont know really how I should feel about this, but truly I wasn't bothered. He did exactly what I asked him to do, jump in and join our crazy train.
What a lot of people don't know is that Noah had to spend extra time in the hospital after he was born. He started to run a high temperature and they were not able to figure out why. Poor little guy had IV's and blood draws, x-rays and even a spinal tap before he was three days old. The temperature resolved and we were able to take him home. Even though he stayed put in the special care nursery at the hosptial, it gave he and I a lot of time to bond together. I had the opportunity to talk with him and tell him how things were. While this was scary for me, I just knew that he was going to be okay and somehow I felt it too. He looked quite like an old man with a big giant nose when he was born, but he also seemed to have the wisdom of one as well.
I knew from the start that Noah was attached to me differently than the other two were. I believe that they all love their mama (and daddy too), but somehow this was just a little different. To this day, he knows when I get home from work in the evenings (he wakes up demanding food) and seems to prefer if he has an eye-ball on me. I always wanted my kids to be able to separate from me and trust that I would return. The older two aways were able to do this, I think having them in day-care helped to develop this. But since Noah isn't in day-care I was a little worried that with his strong attachment to me and having me around all the time would lead to neediness, and dependence on me. Not Noah.
I am able to volunteer at an ECFE class on thursday nights and actually stay in his classroom with him during the class. I tried to ignore him as best I could and play with other kids. It was so interesting to watch him watch me playing with other children. At first he needed to be around me and with me at all times and cried when we separated. However now, with a little help from the BRILLIANT ecfe teacher, he is content to play and scan the room every now and again to check-up on me.
Noah has learned to fend for himself, and this is great, because sometimes I just cant get to him right away. I remember the day that we all woke-up super early and I was trying to make coffee, get the big kids fed, probably get a load of laundry in, etc. I finally realized that I hadn't even changed poor Noahs over-night diaper and began to look for him. He was content, and I knew he had been played with by big brother and big sister as they had colored on him with marker. He had also found his own breakfast of something (edible) that was discarded under the couch. I still dont know really how I should feel about this, but truly I wasn't bothered. He did exactly what I asked him to do, jump in and join our crazy train.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Pretty as a picture
I want to take a blog moment and reflect on just why I do this, blogging. I have gotten a few very kind and meaningful compliments from folks who have read my entries. It was SO reassuring and motivating for me to continue to write my experiences with my children. Initially I started keeping a blog when Jack was born to document his life, however only kept up with it for 6 months or so. Once Noah was born I stumbled on it again and realized I had no idea who the hell was writing that stuff. It all seemed so trite and perfect and cutesy and cookie-cutter, and I'm none of those things. I began to read docce.com and fell in love with her brutal honesty and take on being a parent, and decided to give it another go.
I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.
It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.
Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.
I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.
I wanted to capture the real stuff that happens, and I think I'm doing that. It has also turned into therapy for me. It forces me to summarize and pick out the meaningful things that happen or to change my perception of a moment in my crazy world of three kids, to help me learn and grow. There is no stopping in the moment to reflect, but in the quiet of Monday evenings I think I have found a place to help it all sink in. This helps to keep the details of the stories and preserves the small moments that happen so often but are fleeting and difficult to catch.
It is not easy. I don't want to make it seem easy. It takes a lot of work. It hit me one afternoon this weekend that it had taken 3 hours for us to get ready to attend a party. It didn't seem like work at the time, probably because I was focused on the next hundred things to do and have become accustomed to the routine, but when I stopped I had to give myself some serious props. I yell, I give time-outs (to my kids and myself when needed), I swear. I'm by no means a perfect parent, nor do I aspire to be. I know how to turn any moment into a learning moment, I know how to say I'm sorry, and I know that I don't know everything.
Before John and I had kids we had MANY "pre" conversations about many things, big and small. Religion, school, rules, money, work, family, children. We agreed that we wanted to be the kind of parents that interacted with their kids. Nothing makes me more sad than a parent who sits on the sidelines watching (yes there are times when this is appropriate, I get this). Climb that slide, go swimming and get your hair wet, turn off the TV and play a board game, coach their team, volunteer at their school, experience life together.
I will admit that this is a DAILY struggle for me. I have to remind myself to do this. I get very distracted by household tasks, and my beloved iPhone at times. Right now I'm under the impression that my kids think I am the coolest mom, ever. I get loads of hugs and kisses, Madeline calls me her "best friend", Jack asks to hold my hand and still comes into our bed for early morning cuddles, and Noah...well Noah is my Noah-Bug and is still very much in love with his mama. I want to take advantage of this while it lasts. Hopefully through experiencing life together and by making true, honest and good memories I've reinforced this thought again and again and again. Because I know that if I'm doing my job right they will begin to need me less and less. While that is inevitable, important and true, hopefully they will always, deep down (even if they wont admit it to anyone else), think that I am the coolest mom, ever.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Alone Time
Alone time may seem a thing of the past, that is alone time for Me. Forget about alone time with John... a date, whats that?!?!
Each time we have added another child to the mix it seems as if the alone time (aka individual attention) for each one gets to be less and less. This too is an important thing to me too to offer individual undivided attention to each child. This is hard to do. I mean it is really hard to do. So I have had to get creative with finding time for each one. I try to take someone with me on even the smallest errand, and simply titling it a "date with mom" seems to make it more special. I have also tried to create small simple routines that allow for the 1:1 time as well.
Jack I really have not had to worry about. He got to have more 1:1 time than probably Madeline and Noah combined!! He needs it too. He is the one who still sneaks into my bed before the sun rises almost every morning. He has learned very quickly that he can crawl in on my side and he wont wake up (and then get kicked out by) dad. This is great cuddle time, and we often share secret whispers as we begin to wake up. I also get a little alone time with him each morning when I walk him to the bus stop. This is a nice time together, we talk about his day or I teach him Camp St. Croix songs or not to step on cracks in the sidewalk.
Madeline gets stuck in the middle. She really only got 3 months of true alone time with me last year when Jack was in pre-school and before we had Noah. So I tried to take advantage of that and give her 1:1 trips to the Children's Museum, Zoo, shopping, etc. Finding time alone with her has proven to be the biggest challenge. Until now. Jack is in school in the mornings, and Noah still takes a morning nap. So after the boys are gone or sleeping we have "girl time". Most mornings she starts to pick out what she wants to do during "girl time" immediately. She is patient in waiting to do the special things (like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O, or play-doh, or helping to do dishes, cook or the laundry). We have about an hour or so each morning that is just for us. The testosterone clears the air and we can sit quietly and interact with one another (without wrestling...weird) and enjoy one another.
Noah Bug. Poor third babies. Good thing I nurse my kids, otherwise he may never get alone time with me. He is still waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and I think that he knows that is an opportunity for 1:1 time, and I'm not fighting it at all. He gets the occasional trip to the grocery store or gas station. But really, he gets schlepped into whatever the group as a whole is doing.
Until about a month ago.
I discovered early this summer that Ikea will give me a free one hour break from the kids. I resisted this convenience at first because I have a serious serious issue with any potential "dumping" of my kids anywhere. I'm working on this (not really). But we were there and Jack wanted to go in and ended up having a great time, as did I. The four of us were there about a month ago and Madeline requested to go in too. She had potty trained since we had been there last and was more than tall enough. Without reservation I signed she and Jack up to go and play and took off....alone with Noah!!!
We had the greatest hour. Looking at all the lights, puppies and dishes. I probably kissed him more times than was appropriate and I talked and talked and talked to him. I'm sure all of the other shoppers thought I was a lunatic, but I don't really care. I had found time with my Noah Bug. THANKS IKEA!!!!!
I cannot say that we have made trips every week to do this, but I think it is nice to have this little option in my back pocket. Plus who couldn't use a trip to Ikea at almost any moment, especially if it is with the cutest little Bug you've ever seen.
Each time we have added another child to the mix it seems as if the alone time (aka individual attention) for each one gets to be less and less. This too is an important thing to me too to offer individual undivided attention to each child. This is hard to do. I mean it is really hard to do. So I have had to get creative with finding time for each one. I try to take someone with me on even the smallest errand, and simply titling it a "date with mom" seems to make it more special. I have also tried to create small simple routines that allow for the 1:1 time as well.
Jack I really have not had to worry about. He got to have more 1:1 time than probably Madeline and Noah combined!! He needs it too. He is the one who still sneaks into my bed before the sun rises almost every morning. He has learned very quickly that he can crawl in on my side and he wont wake up (and then get kicked out by) dad. This is great cuddle time, and we often share secret whispers as we begin to wake up. I also get a little alone time with him each morning when I walk him to the bus stop. This is a nice time together, we talk about his day or I teach him Camp St. Croix songs or not to step on cracks in the sidewalk.
Madeline gets stuck in the middle. She really only got 3 months of true alone time with me last year when Jack was in pre-school and before we had Noah. So I tried to take advantage of that and give her 1:1 trips to the Children's Museum, Zoo, shopping, etc. Finding time alone with her has proven to be the biggest challenge. Until now. Jack is in school in the mornings, and Noah still takes a morning nap. So after the boys are gone or sleeping we have "girl time". Most mornings she starts to pick out what she wants to do during "girl time" immediately. She is patient in waiting to do the special things (like play Hi-Ho Cherry-O, or play-doh, or helping to do dishes, cook or the laundry). We have about an hour or so each morning that is just for us. The testosterone clears the air and we can sit quietly and interact with one another (without wrestling...weird) and enjoy one another.
Noah Bug. Poor third babies. Good thing I nurse my kids, otherwise he may never get alone time with me. He is still waking up in the middle of the night (sometimes twice) and I think that he knows that is an opportunity for 1:1 time, and I'm not fighting it at all. He gets the occasional trip to the grocery store or gas station. But really, he gets schlepped into whatever the group as a whole is doing.
Until about a month ago.
I discovered early this summer that Ikea will give me a free one hour break from the kids. I resisted this convenience at first because I have a serious serious issue with any potential "dumping" of my kids anywhere. I'm working on this (not really). But we were there and Jack wanted to go in and ended up having a great time, as did I. The four of us were there about a month ago and Madeline requested to go in too. She had potty trained since we had been there last and was more than tall enough. Without reservation I signed she and Jack up to go and play and took off....alone with Noah!!!
We had the greatest hour. Looking at all the lights, puppies and dishes. I probably kissed him more times than was appropriate and I talked and talked and talked to him. I'm sure all of the other shoppers thought I was a lunatic, but I don't really care. I had found time with my Noah Bug. THANKS IKEA!!!!!
I cannot say that we have made trips every week to do this, but I think it is nice to have this little option in my back pocket. Plus who couldn't use a trip to Ikea at almost any moment, especially if it is with the cutest little Bug you've ever seen.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Matchy Matchy
I've caught glimpses of Maddie and Jack playing well together, getting along, caring for one another, taking turns, being kind and nice to one another. Thank goodness that this is starting to happen more and more frequently. I went into being a parent of more than one child with a clear understanding that I wanted my children to be close. This is very important to me. I've talked in the past about how we choose our space of our home (small) to basically be in each others personal space. How we choose the spacing of our kids (close) with the hopes that they would be "in to" the same stuff and become playmates and develop a close relationship.
In the last week Madeline and Jack have demonstrated that this is happening. They have started to develop their own games with rules, characters and props. They play "Koo Koo Kangaroo", trains, school or house together. They have started to put on shows and role play games. It is funny to see how concrete their thinking is in regard to roles. Maddie is always the girl role (mom, sister or grandma) and Jack is always the male (dad, brother, grandpa). The male is tough and does "manly" things. Maddie is often caring for her Baby Sue or cooking "Sheppard's Pie" out of sand and dirt. They have places to play that are away from me, so this can be exciting for them and allows them to regulate their own interaction with out mom-moderation. Madeline will follow Jack anywhere..which may or may not be a good thing. This very morning, I came up from the basement to find the backdoor open, as was the garage and the garage door. Jack had gone to retrieve a Frisbee in the neighbors yard and Madeline was doe-eyed excitedly following her big brother outside of their normal boundaries.
I've been patiently waiting for their positive interactions to happen. Watching them interact warms me from the inside out. However fleeting these moments are, they are hopefully the building blocks for a strong sibling relationship that will be supportive and deep.
So they have developed games, roles and routines with one another. I noticed them playing Hi-Ho Cherry-O together the other day, they set-up the game, took turns and cheered each other on before Jack decided that the game was over. Maddie fully supported her brother in this. But there was a moment that they were both sitting on the floor together looking at the game board leaning in to focus and their heads touched. It was a gentle bump of "nuggets" but was potential for an argument. But they just stayed engaged in the game and sort of leaned on each other for a minute during the game. It dissolved all of the "Mom, he is looking at me" claims, ever.
But what is really funny is that they have begun to coordinate their outfits. Madeline's dress phase is still going strong and in the morning when she put on a fancy princess dress Jack went into his room and changed into his "wedding clothes" as he calls it. He wore a suit (including a tie) all day long. They played "Prince and Princess" together all day. The next day they both decided that they wanted to wear Vikings Jerseys and jeans.
I think that this matching is an outward sign of something that is going on deeper inside of both of them. I think it is a clear signal of the bond that they are developing with one another. I hope that they continue to grow together and always find it appropriate to together wear their Prince and Princess outfits, Vikings jerseys or Koo Koo t-shirts.
Eventually we will just have to buy three of everything so Noah can be a part of the fun as well!!
In the last week Madeline and Jack have demonstrated that this is happening. They have started to develop their own games with rules, characters and props. They play "Koo Koo Kangaroo", trains, school or house together. They have started to put on shows and role play games. It is funny to see how concrete their thinking is in regard to roles. Maddie is always the girl role (mom, sister or grandma) and Jack is always the male (dad, brother, grandpa). The male is tough and does "manly" things. Maddie is often caring for her Baby Sue or cooking "Sheppard's Pie" out of sand and dirt. They have places to play that are away from me, so this can be exciting for them and allows them to regulate their own interaction with out mom-moderation. Madeline will follow Jack anywhere..which may or may not be a good thing. This very morning, I came up from the basement to find the backdoor open, as was the garage and the garage door. Jack had gone to retrieve a Frisbee in the neighbors yard and Madeline was doe-eyed excitedly following her big brother outside of their normal boundaries.
I've been patiently waiting for their positive interactions to happen. Watching them interact warms me from the inside out. However fleeting these moments are, they are hopefully the building blocks for a strong sibling relationship that will be supportive and deep.
So they have developed games, roles and routines with one another. I noticed them playing Hi-Ho Cherry-O together the other day, they set-up the game, took turns and cheered each other on before Jack decided that the game was over. Maddie fully supported her brother in this. But there was a moment that they were both sitting on the floor together looking at the game board leaning in to focus and their heads touched. It was a gentle bump of "nuggets" but was potential for an argument. But they just stayed engaged in the game and sort of leaned on each other for a minute during the game. It dissolved all of the "Mom, he is looking at me" claims, ever.
But what is really funny is that they have begun to coordinate their outfits. Madeline's dress phase is still going strong and in the morning when she put on a fancy princess dress Jack went into his room and changed into his "wedding clothes" as he calls it. He wore a suit (including a tie) all day long. They played "Prince and Princess" together all day. The next day they both decided that they wanted to wear Vikings Jerseys and jeans.
I think that this matching is an outward sign of something that is going on deeper inside of both of them. I think it is a clear signal of the bond that they are developing with one another. I hope that they continue to grow together and always find it appropriate to together wear their Prince and Princess outfits, Vikings jerseys or Koo Koo t-shirts.
Eventually we will just have to buy three of everything so Noah can be a part of the fun as well!!
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